


Kira, Sweetheart

by reaperlight



Category: Death Note, House M.D.
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Anal Sex, Anorexia, Attempted Murder, Body Image, Character Bashing, Character Name In Title, Closeted Character, Coffee Shops, College, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Complete, Courage, Crack, Cultural References, Cute, Daddy Issues, Demonic Possession, Dessert & Sweets, Diet, Domestic, Dysfunctional Family, Early Work, Early in Canon, Eating Disorders, Enemy Lovers, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Faustian Bargain, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Foe Yay, Food Kink, Force Feeding, French Kissing, God Complex, Hand Jobs, Hospitals, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Immaturity, Insanity, Insomnia, Interrogation, Jealousy, Kink Meme, Kissing, Life Partners, Light Bondage, Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mild Gore, Morning After, Morning Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Noble Demon, Out of Character, Plot Twist, Power Play, Protectiveness, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Psychological Warfare, Random Events Plot, Romance, Scars, Secrets, Shinigami, Shout Out, Shower Sex, Sickfic, Slash, Sleep, Soap Opera Disease, Souichiro's A+ Parenting, Stalking, Sweet, Teenagers, Torture, Trust, Video & Computer Games, WWII veteran, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Yandere, ambulance ride, badass butler, fake incest, grounded, morality pet, overprotective dad, parents walk in at the worst time, save the villain, secret code, sugar deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:47:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reaperlight/pseuds/reaperlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Betrayed by my caretaker and deprived of my most basic needs! Must I, L, the Greatest detective in the World, resort to consorting with the enemy? Yaoi L x Light, Light x L</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do Not Want

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I do not own Death Note. 
> 
> Crossposted at the Death Note Kink meme: http://dn-kink2.livejournal.com/1491.html?thread=765651#t765651

L unfolded himself from the sofa where he had indulged in a brief resting of the eyes, all the while still sitting in his signature crouch, before returning to work. The legendary detective climbed into his office chair and turned on his laptop. As usual Watari had provided him with sustenance delivered on a silver cart and as usual L pulled up a case file and began his work for the day while shoveling food into his mouth, not really looking at what he was eating...

L coughed and spat in alarm after taking a spoonful of the innocuous looking milk and grains.

Watari was there in an instant. "What is it, Ryuuzaki?"

 _"This!"_ L sputtered aghast, rudely gestured towards the oatmeal. "What is the meaning of this?"

It was just plain unsweetened oats without any...

"No sugar, doctor's orders."

L fell out of his chair.

"W-WHAT?" L stammered in shock from the floor.

"Your test results came back and... If you keep consuming sugar at the rate you do you won't even have to worry about Kira. Your body will shut down. You will die."

 _No... sugar?_ Something broke in L's mind at the very idea.

 _"Watari!"_ to his eternal shame the World's Greatest Detective whined like a bratty teenager.

His caretaker was unmoved. "No. I have invested too much time and energy training you to have you die over something as stupid as this. I will not have you kill yourself with these destructive habits."

L glowered beneath his dark emo bangs. He was most certainly not stupid. He knew the risks. He had carefully calculated and weighed the consequences of his actions... and ultimately decided that a life without sugar wasn't worth living.

How could his caretaker have gotten it so backwards? Without sugar, he'd die!

Watari was like a father to him, one of the few people on Earth that L answered to. Watari knew all the tricks—had taught him all the tricks. There was no way to manipulate the old man into giving him what he wanted... And with Watari as his opponent he'd never see sugar again...

That meant no candy.

No pocky.

No ice cream.

No cookies.

No doughnuts.

No cake.

"Please! _I can't!_ " In an out of character moment L broke down, sobbing...

"You'll live," Watari said sternly.

***

As soon as L thought the old man wasn't looking he lifted the rug under his bed, revealing an unobtrusive looking floorboard under which was a hidden compartment where he stowed his hidden stash of candy he had saved over from Christmas time. But to L's dismay the bag was gone. In its place was only a note penned in Watari's handwriting that read in no nonsense gothic bold lettering:

_"NO SUGAR MEANS NO SUGAR!"_

Well, it was a long-shot that it would be there anyway. L never expected he'd need to hide his stash from Watari. Still L crumpled the note in his shaking fist.

***

A half hour later Watari found L curled up in a tight unmoving ball on the sofa moaning in hunger and agony.

The oatmeal remained untouched on the silver tray.

"I am not eating that," L said churlishly.

Watari was not amused.

The elderly butler did more than just serve tea. He was a special intelligence operative during WWII. He fought the Nazis. He wasn't going to put up with L's crap.

L got a reminder that Watari was still quite strong for an old man when his caretaker held him down and force-fed him that nasty unsugared crap which had of course long gone cold.

L forced himself to swallow though he knew that this would only serve to make him hungrier as his body was expecting sugar that didn't come. As L indignantly wiped his mouth of cold oats Watari causally informed him "I trust you already saw I found your stash. I found the others as well."

_Shit._

"Ryuuzaki if I catch you trying to sneak sweets again I will have no choice but to inflict _The Punishment._ "

L shuddered and became white as a sheet. _No, anything but THAT!_

"I'll know if you do. As you know I'm always watching on the monitors."

"I'll be good," L answered in a small voice.

***

L groaned, drowsy and irritable from what was for him low blood sugar. He was attacked by ravenous hunger like a stabbing pain; it felt like he had a hole in his stomach. He couldn't concentrate, couldn't hope to think beyond his cravings for sugar. Seriously how was he supposed to lead the Kira case like this?

Just then the taskforce filed in. L forced himself to resume his usual bland expression—he couldn't let his men... and in particular Kira sense weakness and... speak of the devil, Light was here. L paid special attention as his suspect entered his hotel room, chatting sociably with Matsuda, a pink box tucked under his arm...

_No. It couldn't be..._

The top of the box popped open as Light sat it on the coffee table.

It was.

Today of all days Light brought _cake_ to work.

L had never hated Kira more than he did at this moment...

***

Light had made a point not to eat sweets ever since his father took him aside when he was young and had that awkward little Talk about how men were expected to behave. Girls like Sayu like sweets. Boys don't. Sugar was a girly thing—a weak thing. Boy weren't weak. Boys were strong and protected little girls like his sister from the many myriad monsters that were out in the world. And of course Light worked hard to protect his sister... by killing anyone who might even consider looking at her wrong at some point in the indeterminate future. Funny how his dad never mentioned he might be hunted for being too efficient a protector.

The other lesson he had learned that special day was that on your honor as a man you kept your promises. Of course of all the promises Light made his solemn vow to "cleanse the world of evil" came first but if he could (and provided the other party wasn't "evil"—and in Light's book anyone trying to catch him fell under that definition-and thus void of consideration) he would. He was a good boy, a model teenager. He always helped his mother with the chores and he always made time for his little sister.

But now he was on the horns of a dilemma—seriously he hadn't had a moral conflict this bad since first discovering his Death Note was for real...  
Being the good older brother, he had escorted his sister to a friend's birthday party. And at a birthday party there was, naturally, cake. And thus an elaborate mind game ensued, a social dance that would no doubt even put this twisted game he and L played to shame. Light had tried to avoid eating the cake by promising to eat it later. The cutesy little girl unknowingly made Kira pinky swear he would (cross your heart and hope to die... of course none of the others could hear the snickering Shinigami in the background...)

Now came the dilemma. To eat the cake would be girly and unseemly for the aspiring God of the New World, but to not eat the cake would be to break his promise...

Oh and one more important little detail he hadn't known when backed into this particular corner. Sayu's little friend was none other than Yumi Aizawa and no doubt his Afro-haired colleague would be glaring at him until he ate that thrice damned cake.

But seeing he had work that afternoon the solution seemed rather obvious. Light figured he'd put it in front of L and it would disappear. L would steal it and Light would be absolved of all guilt and / or responsibility on this matter.

So Light took his usual spot in the pink candy-striped comfy chair across the coffee table from L's to go over the pages of data on the Kira case carefully sitting the cake box on the coffee table between them.

Time ticked by and curiously the cake was left untouched.

Maybe L assumed it was poisoned or something?

Not that Light wouldn't try to be rid of L that way if he thought it would work; however the only way you could cut a lifespan short was with the notebook—if L still had time left he would survive such a poisoning attempt and worse would then have evidence against him. So such a move was too risky to consider.

Light still found L's apparent distrust disheartening. He thought he was making progress in that area. Maybe if he took a bite he could prove it wasn't poisoned and L would eat it?

Light stabbed a piece off the corner and forced the unwholesome treat into his mouth. He had to consciously avoid making a face. The texture was alright, it was soft and spongy but it was _waaaay_ too sweet, with too much of that cloying frosting. Light could swear he could feel his teeth melting from this shit. But still Light smiled and made use of his amazing acting skills to convey that this was the best cake ever for the sake of the others in the room, but especially for L... Of course when L stole the cake he'd play indignant. There would be an argument, perhaps this could even spin out into an incident that would distract from them doing any actual work that day...

Light noted he had indeed succeeded in capturing L's attention. The detective was watching with his usual accusatory, unblinking gaze but made no move to take the cake...

Light set the fork down, angled in such a manner that it would be within easy reach of a certain sweet-toothed detective and resumed his work.

But now Aizawa was shooting him dirty looks, judging him (Light did not like that at all.)

Was his ploy really that transparent?

_Dammit._

Now he was socially obligated to eat the cake. Because what kind of bastard breaks his promise to such a sweet kid? (No doubt Kira, according to the investigators, and that would raise their suspicions.)

Stab! Light forked up another corner piece of the cake and brought it to his lips, again locking eyes with a certain detective...

_Come on, Ryuuzaki! Steal the damn cake already!_

When L didn't move from his chair, Light took the cake bite in his mouth, chewing it slowly. The burning, cloying sweetness was beginning to creep on him, a cumulative effect...

 _Uck!_ Ryuk was wrong. There was a Hell. It came in six layers of strawberry sponge that was sealed with abysmal chocolate frosting that was so sweet that it burned like acid going down his throat.

But Light did what he always did when he was suffering—he smiled and faked enjoyment.

For L's sake, Light made a satisfied sound that was borderline pornographic...

L's gaze was hungry.

_Come on Ryuuzaki. TAKE THE CAKE; you know you want to..._

Really, how was he supposed to eat the entire piece? It seemed like a totally unachievable goal. Maybe he could get away with only eating part of it and then tossing the rest when they weren't looking... or better yet maybe he could get Ryuk to eat it? That way there would be no physical evidence left behind...

Alas, there were no opportunities for breaks as they continued to pour over the data on the Kira case and thus no opportunity to dispose of the evidence down a Shinigami's throat. Meaning he had to continue eating it—he had to eat the entire thing—and he had to keep going at this same slow, torturous pace as well—otherwise that would be suspicious.

_Nasty! And this thing's packing so many calories!_

That was the other reason Light didn't like sweets. The 119 lb teen was worried about _gaining_ weight. He was well aware that his looks and charm were nearly as important tools in his arsenal as his Death Note. He'd have to punish himself for this tomorrow in the form of more grueling exercise, maybe he'd skip lunch...

Light occasionally glanced up, smiled and nodded at Aizawa and his father and the rest of them when they covertly checked on his progress at working... and eating the cake.

_See, I'm a man of my word._

He wasn't at all thinking of how much fun it would be to write down all the names of the stupid people who got him into this mess... Nope not at all.

 _Finally_ the cake plate was empty.

 _So much sugar..._ Light's head swam. His mouth burned...

Got milk?

No, of course not.

But before he could end his suffering by chasing down that infernal pastry with the next best thing available, the unsweetened coffee...

"Light-kun, a word please."

 _Damn that Ryuuzaki!_ Light cursed as he followed L's deliberately slow, padding footfalls to the other room...


	2. An Error In Judgment

L had to stop himself from drooling as he watched the cake disappear past the murderer's lips. Kira, that bastard! He knew. He had to have known. There was no other explanation as to why the teen who normally shunned sweets had chosen to eat cake in front of him! L glowered as Light moaned in pleasure around his fork. This was... _sadistic!_ That poor cake! L didn't even think _Kira_ would stoop this low! And the way he kept looking at him, taunting him... Oh he knew. The bastard _knew._

L watched mournfully as Light savored each bite in his mouth... L would do anything, _absolutely anything_ , for sugar at the moment. Even if he was falling for Kira's trap... and if not well...

_Well Kira, you brought this on yourself._

"Light-kun, a word please."

The teen looked grumpy but obediently followed L to the other room.

L shut the door.

"What's this about Ryuu— _Mrph?!_ "

Light was cut off when L tackled him, shoving him roughly up against the wall. Light's eyes widened in surprise as L's tongue forcefully invaded his mouth. Never in a million years would he have imaged L trying something like this!

L was kissing him.

 _L_ was kissing him?

_What?_

No, not just kissing him but practically eating his face. The detective was crazed as he held him pinned up against the wall so he could have his way with his mouth.

_Why is he doing this? Is this some sort of... power play? I never expected L would stoop so low! Dammit! L is SUPPOSED to play by the rules!_

The wall bit into his back as L was leaning into him hard. Light couldn't get out of that hold even if he wanted to...

_Which I do... I definitely..._

L's tongue continued to dance against his own and in an instant Light suddenly found his arms free as L released them in favor of gripping the back of Light's head, burying his long fingers in Light's silky hair as he tried to push his tongue deeper. However even though his arms were free Light didn't feel inclined to do anything about it other than to idly flex his fingers in the folds of L's sweater.

_Why does this feel... good?_

It was just kissing. He'd done it plenty of times before with plenty of people. This was... unnerving. This was dangerous! There was getting close to L and then there was getting _too close._ This was definitely too close... but...

 _Dammit! If I try to stop this will I look like Kira trying to avoid L?_ Light worked to avoid having a panic attack. No, he wouldn't let L unnerve him with such a base tactic. _Calm down! If this is for real, if he really does feel THAT WAY about me... I can use this to my advantage. But if L thinks I'm going to be passive about this he has another thing coming..._

Meanwhile the other never stopped in his sloppy, eager attack. These sensations were overwhelming.

 _It's not L,_ Light assured himself. There was no way he could actually be attracted to L, his mortal enemy— _that's absolutely impossible... it's just the thrill of it. The air of danger... Exactly; it would actually be more dangerous to back off now. To win I must attack!_

L continued to swirl his tongue around in his mouth, invading deeply, cleaning the back of his teeth trying to get every last molecule of _sugar, glorious sugar!_

L had planned to just take Light to the other room to chew him out but the small cake crumb wedged in the corner of Light's mouth proved too much for the deprived sugar junkie. L hadn't even really thought about the consequences beyond following the sugar. Mmm... Chocolate, and strawberry, and another taste he enjoyed. (He wouldn't realize until later that it was Light-kun.) Well if Watari questioned him about it later he could always make something up—probably Kira-related. It would be a pretty believable excuse.

But now that he finally had some sugar in his system he could think more clearly and only just realized that his current actions could be seen as uh... he was kissing his coworker and Kira suspect. That definitely fell into the realm of socially inappropriate behavior. L hadn't meant to er... he was just after the cake... L started to withdraw and was about to begin a not-so heartfelt apology when he was surprised to hear a soft groan being emitted from the younger man and to feel hands fisting into his sweater.

Light was just as surprised. He normally found doing this sort of thing with anyone boring as fuck but he had learned to fake it well enough. But for some reason he didn't have to work too hard on his act right now...

"Light-kun?" L warily released the other, watching his reactions critically. Though it wasn't his intention Light's reaction here would be an ideal opportunity to profile his suspect.

 _Just think of it in terms of the case._ The case was a safe thought... The butterflies that had taken up residence in his stomach most definitely were not. L was admittedly way out of his depth here. He knew how all this interpersonal relationship stuff worked _in theory_ but... _There shouldn't be an issue anyway. Surely the normal reaction after what I just did would be for Light to yell at me, call me a pervert, hit me, and then storm out... Light is Kira—he will want to appear normal at all costs..._

L suddenly felt exposed under the other's gaze. He never liked being stared at, but he especially didn't like the way Light was looking at him right now, his gaze seemed predatory (and for a moment he could have sworn Light's eyes flashed red). Surely that look alone was a giveaway that Light was indeed Kira...

"Light-kun..." L began in a warning tone when Light attacked, throwing all his weight against the detective knocking them both to the ground. L gaped, wide-eyed as the younger man pinned him down. They struggled. L kneed him in the stomach but Light was undeterred. L hissed when Light bit his lower lip to gain entry to his mouth so he could resume what they were doing before. And seeing how Light's tongue still tasted vaguely sweet L found he lacked the will to fight it. As the younger man moved against him, L could feel the growing bulge in his trousers.

 _Wait does this mean Light actually feels THAT WAY about—? Oh boy..._ L thought, dumbstruck, as the teen attempted to conquer his mouth. _Or is this Light as Kira... Kira might go to any lengths to beat L into submission... But would Light really stoop so low as to..._

Of course L wasn't defenseless. He _could_ kick Light across the room if need be... if he could just get over how currently... _flustered_ he was by all this. But there were other factors to consider as well. He had, however unintentionally, instigated it and L didn't want to think of the consequences if Watari knew that he was really just after the cake.

Observing Light, Kira, in an uninhibited, natural state may prove invaluable...

But... L wasn't really comfortable with all this. L groaned at the feeling of the other's hands roaming under his sweater—it felt kind of nice ( _no no no no no!_ ) but _weird_. Someone else was touching him. (Light... _Kira_ was touching him!) He hardly ever even touched himself. Strange, after the initial attack Light's touches were oddly gentle...

 _Focus!_ L never had this much trouble thinking before. It must have just been the lack of sugar in his system. Because there was no way he could possibly be enjoying—L's toes curled at the pleasant feeling of the younger man rubbing against him—he _couldn't..._

L _loathed_ ANY physical contact let alone in this powerless position, trapped at the mercy of a murderer... _Kira._

L gasped into Light's mouth as the other continued to take his breath away. He felt a pleasurable tremor go through him as Light continued to rub under his shirt. L felt his heart skip a beat.

Maybe _this_ was how Kira killed...?

_I—I can't... I can't do this!_

"Light-kun..." to L's mortification it came out as a terrified whimper. "Light-kun... What are you doing?" L gasped out.

Light paused and drew back in surprise.

L looked absolutely terrified.

 _What?_ Light was confused. Was it a trick?

It was an excuse to stop this, to walk away... Light had started merely as a means of gaining control of the situation but now, against all logic Light didn't really want to stop...

"What? You started it."

Light's more sadistic side wanted to beat L into the ground, to force him to make more of those sounds. After all, L challenged _HIM_ —the God of the New World. It was nothing less than what he deserved and if this was L's weakness...

 _No... no, no, no, no! That would never do!_ Light was appalled to have entertained the thought—that sort of behavior was the very thing he sought to destroy. Besides, Light Yagami the Chief's son and model citizen would never do something like _that_ to his "best friend."

However Light was terrified that if he showed him mercy that L would take the opportunity to... turn the tables so to speak. So Light merely paused in his ministrations but kept L pinned to the ground.

L continued to tremble.

"Ryuuzaki? What's the matter?" Light eyed him critically. "If you didn't want this then why did you—? Are we moving too fast?"

 _That's right, I started it._ L couldn't let Watari know he was after the cake. At all costs...

"I'm sorry, Light-kun. I—I just couldn't keep my hands off you. Surely Light-kun knows how pretty he is."

"Pretty?" Light repeated in indignation, but his cheeks tinged an adorable pink. He couldn't help but look very pleased as he soaked up the praise. L rolled his eyes. _Such a narcissist._

Sure, Light got complements all the time but he never expected to receive such compliments from L, his greatest enemy (And the world's greatest detective. Before discovering his true purpose Light had always wanted to be a detective...)

Light suddenly felt very hot.

"It was an error in judgment, I apologize."

L studied Light's face and watched the play of emotions—there was a flash of anger, irritation... and disappointment?

L noticed when he had paid Light that flattery he had loosened his hold. L took the opportunity to break out of it, sitting up so that they were nose-to-nose, with Light still straddling his lap. "You can get off me now."

Light scowled but showed no inclination of moving.

"I'm serious, I will kick y—"

"Well... What if I think you're pretty too?" Light snapped petulantly.

"Then you'd be a liar." _What's his game?_ L knew his appearance disturbed people, especially shallow people just like Light-kun who were overly concerned about their appearance. He knew they all really thought he was an ugly, disgusting, freak... Not that L cared in the slightest. He was L. No one could hurt him anymore... Only it didn't seem like an act. L's eyes bored into his suspect. He was reading frustration, embarrassment, and sincerity... True, Light was an impeccable actor but L was trained to read human behavior and certain tells couldn't be faked. As L continued constantly observing the other there was only one conclusion—impossible as it seemed, Light was genuinely attracted to him...

"Er..."

Light sighed and drew away a bit but not far. "Yeah I get it, Ryuuzaki. This is too fast, I'm sorry. We can... go at our own pace."

L glared at his suspect. He had no doubt used that same line countless times on... _I'm not a girl! And how presumptuous to think that this would EVER happen again..._

L hissed as Light patted him on the back.

"What's this?" Light had noticed the occasionally odd ridge when his fingertips were mapping the surface of L's skin under his sweater but this... ridge felt bigger than the others... Unable to resist his curiosity Light took hold of L's sweater.

L paled white as a ghost. _No... he'd see..._

"No Light... _wait!_ " To L's dismay, with a harsh tug from Light the sweater flew away.

Light stared, stunned at the myriad scars that riddled L's body. Some were small nicks, others long cuts, they were faded but everywhere. The most prominent was one on his back carved in the shape of "13." There was no way that was self-inflicted.

L shrunk under Light's scrutinizing stare.

"See... I'm not _pretty!_ " L hissed. He was about to demand that Light get out when the killer hugged him close.

 _Wha—?_

"Ryuuzaki... what happened?" Light sounded, for all-the-world, like a concerned friend ( _boyfriend?_ ) rather than a psycho killer.

_Light is Kira. He's no doubt just fishing for details so that he can find my true name..._

"This is hardly my first case, Light ...And it won't be my last, I assure you."

" _Who_ did this?" The younger man was shaking with quiet rage. "Give me their name!"

Of course they both noticed the slip...

"The one responsible is currently serving out their sentence. No need it to worry about it, _Kira-kun._ "

"I'm not— _You're impossible!_ " Light stormed out, covering his escape with righteous indignation.

L put his thumb to his lips. _Fascinating. That was almost like... he actually cared...?_

Of course it was always his plan to use Kira to help them find the Second Kira and get information on both of them and he had hoped that if he got close enough to Light that he would slip up and reveal himself. It had seemed a longshot in the beginning but now it looked like he had discovered a chink in his armor. If he pursued a relationship with his suspect, if he won his trust, perhaps Light would show him how he killed?

L didn't like the idea of so much... _touching_ but for the good of the case (and cake) he was willing to make that sacrifice. Of course the deciding factor was the cake. L was sure he had just found a loophole in Watari's "no sweets" rule... As for the touching it actually wasn't so bad (in fact once they got started it felt kind of… _nice_ ) and Light was surprisingly civil... for being Kira. If things remained civil maybe he could even get Kira under control… L hadn't really liked being pinned to the ground though admittedly he had enjoyed himself when he had Light squirming up against the wall… and honestly not just for the cake.

How odd. He hadn't even thought about sugar in the last five minutes... He needed more sugar to think about that. He needed to set in motion his new plan in using Light-kun as soon as possible.


	3. The Pie Proclamation

Light sat in the university lecture hall, more irritable than usual. He had only had an apple for breakfast (and only part of one at that as Ryuk couldn't keep his greedy claws to himself) in punishment for eating that grotesque calorie bomb yesterday and he intended to take it further by jogging during his free period. He wasn't looking forward to it. He was exhausted, he was hungry, and he was frustrated in more ways than one—on top of everything else he had had an embarrassing dream the night before that starred a certain panda-eyed detective, the aftermath of which had him waking up and changing his sheets at four in the morning. Ryuuzaki, that damn bastard! Who gave him permission to be showing up in his dreams… _like that!_

Outwardly, Light kept up his calm façade, letting no signs of his annoyance escape other than to occasionally click at the end of his mechanical pencil as he leaned over the desk, his jaw resting in hand as he stewed, waiting for the lecture to begin.

What the hell _was_ that yesterday, anyway? L kissing him? But then saying it was a mistake?

No, he should just take a page from Ryuuzaki's book and call it a mistake, forget about it. Pretend it didn't happen. Ryuuzaki was… _still is_ L, Kira's enemy. But… then Ryuuzaki was… a victim.

Didn't he swear to protect the innocent?

 _L isn't innocent. He challenged me._

And Ryuuzaki was fun to talk to. Ryuuzaki could be… _nice,_ especially when he had him squirming beneath…

Light promptly ended that dangerous line of thought.

Sure, maybe he felt a bit sorry for the guy ( _I said end this dangerous line of thought, end it I say!_ ) but L had made it clear in no uncertain terms he wanted Kira, _him,_ dead...

Light attempted to banish the renewed dream images of how he would take L's scarred body and leave marks of his own and…

And dammit he wasn't gay! He just wasn't interested in girls... because he had better things to do! And he had only kissed L back to gain control. Not because he had enjoyed it! No, not at all…

Not…

Light's hand passed over his eyes for a moment as denying the implications of his responses didn't seem to be working this time.

This was L's fault. What with that long dark hair and slender frame and the way he'd curled his toes cutely into chair cushions as he'd lick the frosting off a doughnut with that talented tongue of his that tasted so nice…

 _ARRRRGH!_

That was just it. L was… girly and confusing. His habits arousing protective instincts even in his enemies... _Yeah, that must be it! Well played, Ryuuga. Well played. But it won't save you. L is still Kira's enemy. And as if I'd ever let something as stupid as feelings take priority over the good of the world. How SELFISH would that be?_

Sure Ryuuzaki was… likeable and pitiable. But he was still dangerous, a thorn in his side. (Light sucked in a breath as he remembered the feeling of L grinding against him when he had him pinned against the wall moving against him… that was…!)

 _NO! L has to die!_ (However if he could he'd make it as painless as possible.)

Hmm… he was still on that dangerous line of thought. Perhaps he should just clear his mind for now. Just… forget about L for the moment and continue to play ordinary college student…

Light startled as "Hideki Ryuuga" the Touhou student was suddenly there, crouching down on top of the seat next to him just before the bell announced class had begun.

The damn bastard! Always catching him off guard! And what the hell was he doing out here anyway? It wasn't safe!

L passed him a coded message in note form asking (or rather demanding) that Light meet him during his free period. Dammit. There went his jogging plans. Maybe if he skipped lunch he could make up for it...

L watched as Light responded in the same code after studying it for a moment. (It was a code L had devised himself and it was so complex that whole agencies of analysts and code-breakers couldn't crack it... Light fired back almost immediately) _"What are you even doing here? It's not safe! The Second Kira..."_

"No one but you knows me as L," L replied just as swiftly. Like any good code he was changing the rules as he went. L was impressed that Light still managed to follow. _"It should be perfectly safe. Besides we need to talk about yesterday. About us."_

"Us?" Light was so startled he spoke aloud, drawing the quiet wrath of the lecturing college professor with a God complex.

"Yagami-kun."

"Yes, sir?"

"Can you please give the answer to number twenty two?"

Light promptly gave the correct answer "Its pi squared," and flashed a charming _me-and-my-friend-were-most-definitely-paying-attention_ smile.

The professor nodded having confirmed for the moment that the "eccentric geniuses" were somehow paying attention to his all-important words and moved on.

L's stomach grumbled... Pie squared. He could definitely go for that. One cherry and one strawberry… or maybe one could be strawberry rhubarb. Hmmm… pie cubed would be even better. See? He hadn't had _any_ sugar since the stolen cake kiss yesterday and it was already beginning to affect his judgment and reasoning abilities, to say nothing of his and his ability to stay conscious. Light poked L near the end of the lecture with the tip of his mechanical pencil and L jolted awake (fortunately when the crotchety professor's attention was focused elsewhere.) L had to suppress a groan of disappointment upon waking. He had dreamed he'd died and gone to Candyland.

***

As Light and L made their way down over to Light's favorite coffee shop L became aware of, and nervous about, how closely they walked together. The eccentric detective usually invaded people's personal bubbles without a second thought –it was just one of his quirks and it usually made a great intimidation tactic—but that was before he accidentally instigated that the day before. Light didn't seem the least bit intimidated now. If anything, L realized with irritation, Light seemed to be shooting him pitying glances. The detective knew that Kira had a strong, though warped, sense of justice. Perhaps after what happened yesterday Kira was no longer sure where L fit into his worldview.

L tried to fall back a bit, and put a bit more distance between them but Light seemed to almost… chase him …like a lost puppy. It was an amusing image—L cracked a rare smile as he watched his suspect but then seemed to realize what he was doing. He had to take this seriously. This was Kira after all and anything could tip the scales of their game.

L again went over in his head what happened the day before. Of course L knew what happened but he also had to take into account how Light would have perceived the same events. _I accidentally came onto Light… _strongly._ Then he came on to me. I rejected him…_ The detective bit his thumb as he realized _…and now he sees that as a challenge._

L wondered if perhaps Light would have made some excuse to meet with him even if he hadn't demanded his attention this afternoon—the younger man kept shooting him those furtive glances, being almost demure… It would seem he was at least a bit… infatuated.

_Dammit._

Why couldn't Light just pretend it didn't happen? L feared he had created a monster… _again._ Before Kira was no doubt just obsessed with killing him but _no…_ he had to go make it _sexual_ in nature! L was admittedly a bit flustered about the whole situation. Pretending to be friends was difficult enough! Nevertheless he planned to make use of Light's little crush—L would sooner create another obsessed stalker than face Watari's punishment. (L quickly dispelled the sudden and illogical thought that if it was Light stalking him then perhaps he wouldn't mind terribly…)

The waitress approached the unlikely duo soon after they sat down at their usual booth.

"Yes, we'll have a cherry pie, a strawberry rhubarb pie, and an apple pie please." L announced.

"A slice of each?" Asked the poor waitress.

"No, whole pies, please," L insisted. "Oh and a cup of coffee."

"Glad you remembered me, Ryuuzaki." Light gave a sigh and checked his watch. He had to be at his next class in half an hour.

"Oh no, Light-kun. The coffee is mine. The pies are for you." L informed his suspect—making sure that he was perfectly clear on that subject because, of course, Watari had means of monitoring them even here. For starters, his cell phone was bugged so that Watari could hear everything. L couldn't get rid of it either—the old man would know if he ditched it and of course if L tried to make a run for it Watari would find him via the subcutaneous tracking device. Besides, making a run for it was tantamount to suicide anyway—L knew he'd never survive out there—his social and survival skills were next to non-existent and there were far too many people out there that wanted him dead. Besides he wouldn't get far—Watari would be sure to catch him and inflict THE PUNISHMENT (the detective swallowed a whimper at the very thought.)

Meanwhile Light, predictably, exploded over L's pie proclamation.

" _WHAT?_ Ryuuzaki… I don't eat sweets!" Light watched in confused indignation as L shushed him and got out a sheet of paper. (A trickle of sweat ran down Light's temple. Ever since he found the Death Note Light had had to hide having an "irrational" fear of notebook paper, or more specifically, of signing his own name.) The teen watched intently as L wrote, again in code: _"Not true. You were eating chocolate cake yesterday."_

Light wondered why L was bothering with passing notes again—their booth was fairly private and he doubted anyone was going to care about what they talked about here. If anything passing notes would make them more conspicuous…

Light sighed, figuring Ryuuzaki was being paranoid as usual or this was another of his tests, and so he just played along, taking the note from the detective and answering in the same code: _"That was for Yumi, Aizawa's daughter's, birthday. It was a social obligation I couldn't get out of. I brought it to work because I know how much you like sweets and I was hoping…"_

_"…That I'd eat it."_ L wrote quickly, demonstrating the amazing ability to interrupt even when communicating in a written medium.

 _"…to share it with you."_ Light finished writing his sentence, feigning confusion at L's "most baseless" accusation. Just then the waitress returned with their order. Light glared at L and grabbed the coffee.

L frowned. "That's my coffee, Light-kun."

"No, I thought we already established this. _I don't eat sweets._ Therefore the pies are _yours,_ the coffee is _mine._ " The teen hissed. In response the detective looked up at him from his strange crouch with those adorable large black eyes.

 _L isn't adorable, he's dangerous!_ Light chastised himself.

"You steal from me and would deny my generous gifts, Light-kun? I didn't think even Kira would stoop so low."

Light frowned. Ryuuzaki had the nerve to sound _hurt._

_If I accept the pie... the pies does that make me look like Kira? If I reject L's generous gift will that also make me look like Kira? He's screwing with me. Obviously! I don't know what his game is but I need to figure it out quickly…_

The killer sighed. "Could we get another coffee, please?" he called after the hapless waitress before turning his attention back to Ryuuzaki. "Look… if it means that much to you. I'll get a to-go box. I'll eat them later.

"No you won't," the detective's gaze turned back into that blank, all-knowing stare. "You'll dispose of them or foist them off on other people."

Light sighed again. " _Someone_ will eat them later. I assure you that the thoughtfulness of your gift is most appreciated."

"But I want Light-kun to eat them now." L pouted, looking quite put out.

"Ryuuzaki, I don't _like_ sweets."

"It would make me very happy, Light-kun." As L said this he wrote again in code: _"If you eat the pies I'll let you do perverted things to me."_

When Light saw this he nearly choked on his coffee _"Ryuuzaki!"_ Light gaped at the detective wondering if he was serious (and if so, was he _mental?_ ) "I am beyond offended that you would think so low of me as to—"

Light was taken by surprise as the detective abruptly launched himself across the table (nearly putting a knee in the strawberry-rhubarb pie). L urgently covered Light's mouth with his hand, flashed him a pleading look and tapped the paper again.

Light was thrown by L's reaction. Perhaps someone _was_ listening in on their conversation and L didn't want them to get any ideas about the two of them having a nonexistent relationship. Not that the detective's current actions would dissuade anyone observing them from coming to that conclusion—L was practically sitting in his lap!

Light sighed and again picked up the pen. The pen as usual glinted like the cold steel of a sword in his hand. Ironic really, the same pen he used to judge as Kira was now being put to use to consort with the enemy… er… or rather to win his trust.

 _"You made it clear yesterday that you weren't ready to do "perverted things."_ Light scratched in code on the paper, _"So what's this really about?"_

When L didn't answer Light locked eyes with L in one of their epic stare-offs.

"Ryuuzaki— _Mrph!_ " Light sputtered indignantly when the detective executed a swift sneak attack, forcefully shoving a forkful of strawberry-rhubarb pie into his mouth. He really should have seen that coming. Light resentfully swallowed down the overly-sweet and tangy bite of pie and glared murderously at the detective but before he could say anything Ryuuzaki had again claimed his mouth with his.

 _Dammit, why does this man have to be so irritating!_

Light's glare softened to irritation and bemusement as Ryuuzaki's mouth moved against his.

 _What the hell does he think he's doing? He jumps me again right after I'm forced to eat sweets. Is this what it takes for him to get off or something?_ Light groaned as Ryuuzaki's tongue was once again moving against his. … _This is kind of nice though… FOCUS!_ The detective shifted in his lap, trying to pin Light with his body… no, that wouldn't do. Light was about to take charge of the situation when a sudden, hideous, shrieking sound rudely invaded his eardrums. Light's lust-hooded eyes suddenly snapped open when he caught sight of a small blonde girl lunging at them with a steak knife.


	4. A Love To Dismember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is a fanfic. I own zilch.
> 
> Warning: This chapter takes a violent turn. Beware of blondes with butcher knives.

Misa had just stopped by the local café to get a strawberry sundae during her break when she nearly had a heart attack when she saw who came in the door—her hero, her savior, her _God,_ and though he didn't know it yet, her beloved soul mate who was fated to be hers for all eternity. Misa knew it was true love! They were destined to be! At first it seemed an opportune moment for Misa to finally make contact with Kira but then to her annoyance another man trailed in after him. And not just any man but a real weirdo whose name was… L Lawliet? L? As in _the_ L?

Misa watched as the two settled into a booth near the back of the café. She could scarcely believe her eyes. Kira and L were sharing a table and having coffee together? To Misa the devoted Kira-worshipper it was like finding out God and Satan go bowling together on the weekends. What was that nuisance doing with _her_ Light? Why did Light tolerate L's presence? Because he didn't have his name? Well, Misa-Misa could fix that super-quick! _Oh!_ What a pity she didn't bring her notebook with her! If only she had brought it with her she could have killed L right then and there!

The blonde crept closer when their attention was focused on something else. Passing love letters across the table? Misa frowned. No, no… ( _Kira and L? Love letters? Phff! Ridiculous!_ ) it was more like spy stuff, right? How exciting! But then Misa watched in shock as L climbed up on the table but Light didn't seem very disturbed by this. But then L began feeding Light pie. _Lovers_ feed each other like that! No, that's impossible. Not _her_ Light! But _her_ Light wasn't objecting much… and then all the color drained from Misa's face.

They were _kissing!_

L was kissing Kira, and Kira wasn't resisting! Light's hands clenched into L's sweater as he _purred_ softly; Misa watched in horror as _her_ soulmate tilted his head back to allow the other man easier access. With a trembling hand Misa steadied herself against the table, her fingers finding their way around the hilt of the knife.

 _"NOOOOOOO!"_ She screeched in anguish _"HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!"_

At the ear-splitting scream L whirled around and then froze in fear when he saw the glint of the blade and then the L was no more. The man known as the greatest detective in the world becoming incapable of responding as he was overtaken by violent images from the past— _knives, pain, blood, his blood, and jam, the cracked mirror. (The maniac wearing his face.)_

 _"RYUUZAKI!"_ Light screamed as the girl brought the knife down.

Light howled in pain and terror as the knife went through his hand. Without thinking about it he had tried to shield Ryuuzaki from their attacker.

 _"Light!"_ The girl abruptly stopped in her assault when she seemed to realize what she had done.

She hurt Kira, _her_ Light.

_No!_

Meanwhile Light's screams brought L back to reality and he immediately kicked their assailant across the room. When he was sure she wasn't getting back up anytime soon L focused on Light. He was still giving panicked cries. L saw why—the knife had gone right through the palm of his right hand and was now sticking out the other side.

L stopped him when Light moved to pull it out.

 _"Don't touch it, Light!_ Leave it in or you'll bleed to death!"

L swiftly removed his sweater and firmly applied pressure around the wound, felling a pang of sympathy for the other. The teen's usual calm reserve was gone—Light was wide-eyed and scared—his breaths came in harsh pants and tears fell freely from his eyes. L knew from experience that Light would be in quite a lot of pain.

L forcefully held up Light's arm up. "Light, I know it hurts but we need to keep it elevated if we can."

L stared at Light's ugly wound and worried.

L worried for Light for a number of reasons. If Light died on him now it would make it harder to solve the Kira case. They still didn't know how Kira killed. That was part of why L insisted on handling this case so delicately. While Kira was evil he at least had standards. But a scared, wounded Kira? He might lose it and decide to just kill everyone... So that was part of the reason why L crouched beside his wounded "friend" attempting to make soothing sounds ("Shhh" "It's alright" "It'll be alright." "Calm down" and "the ambulance is on its way") lest Light suddenly explode or go into 'Kira angry! Kira kill!' mode…

Admittedly, there was another reason L worried for Light but now was not the time or place to examine these peculiar feelings he was having.

"Whatever the reason… Thank you, Light. That was very brave."

A glimmer of awareness returned and the younger man sullenly looked away.

"Please. It was… _stupid_ " (Light paused for a sharp intake of breath) "Don't… _patronize_ me."

L smiled. "It sounds like you're feeling better already."

"I have… a knife… stuck… in my hand!"

"Yes, I deduced as much. I'm not the world's greatest detective for nothing."

Light chuckled and then hissed again sharply. Admittedly he was feeling a little better—as in the pain level had gone down from _"holy-shit-I'm-going-to-die"_ to merely the level of _"screaming bloody murder."_ Meaning it was still unbearable. Light could feel his consciousness trying to slip away when he saw something that shocked him back to alertness:

"No. _NO! IT'S NOT OVER!_ " Light snarled, rage masking terror, as he stared intently at some point in the empty air and L was worried Light had gone into shock.

The Shinigami grinned as he held his Death Note open, his pen made of skulls in the other.

For a moment there Ryuk thought Light was done for and was about to write his name but then Light seemed so very _lively_ yet. It really would be a shame if things ended so soon…

The Death God took the pen away from the page to Light's relief. However he kept the book in hand, chuckling softly. **"If you say so, Light. You got me those apples this morning… I guess I can give you the benefit of a doubt. But I think I'll keep this out just in case if it's all the same to you."**

"Light… Light, talk to me," L again demanded his attention.

Light (to his eternal shame) _whimpered._

"Please, I need to know if you're going into shock."

"Right… what… do you …wanna talk about?"

L bit his lip "Well… you saved me."

"…Yes."

_"Why?"_

This wasn't fair. How could he hope to process things like motives… or thoughts (such as _what-the fuck-was-I-thinking_ ) when…

"Are you… going to… _interrogate_ me… while I've got… a _fucking knife_ … stuck in my hand?" Light panted. L noted he was sounding a bit testy.

 _Well, I shouldn't expect anything less from L..._ In fact Light was kind of surprised that L seemed to back off when he complained.

_What **was** I thinking? Nothing apparently. I just acted on instinct. So stupid! What I should have done was let the crazy bitch kill L and then killed her! _

_(Yes; and how were you planning on doing that without her name?)_

_Was there any other way I could have acted? No, no there wasn't. Any other way would have aroused their suspicions. And perhaps I've gained L's trust a bit more. So... this was perfect, all according to plan—except for the knife in my hand. **SSSShiiiiit!**_

Light tried to focus on something other than the pain, the feeling of wrongness, and the nauseating sight of the knife stuck in his hand and ended up staring stupidly at Ryuuzaki's bare chest, his eyes tracing the path of every scar.

 _Ryuuzaki knows what he's doing. Ryuuzaki survived this before. He's helping me… It would not be to his advantage if I died now. That's… that's all this. Has to be…_

Meanwhile Misa shook her head in an attempt to dislodge any floating stars or incoming concussions that might have resulted from getting kicked across the room by that nasty pervert, no that rapist who was raping her boyfriend. L Lawliet was a monster! Look what he made her do to her Light! No, Misa-Misa would never hurt Light! It was supposed to be L! She was trying to kill L! Why did Kira stop her? This was all L's fault! He deserved to die!

Misa gazed back over to where her Light and that rapist were sitting on the floor by their booth, and how that rapist was touching her Light, oh-so-delicately holding _her_ Light's hand!

" _LIGHT BELONGS TO ME!_ " Misa shrieked in anguish.

L noted that when Light looked at their attacker in shock—there was no look of recognition and while Light was an excellent actor L was trained to read such cues. He had never seen her before. So this stranger was claiming she _owned_ Light. L wondered what Light would have to say about that…

_"WHAT? Like Hell! You crazy bitch!"_

L mused that after getting stabbed it was perfectly natural that Light would be disinclined to acquiesce to her request. Still provoking an emotionally unstable psychopath probably wasn't the smartest move… but then again L suspected his "friend" was also an emotionally unstable psychopath so he couldn't exactly expect him to always be reasonable.

Misa laughed brokenly as she rose to her feet; her blonde bangs fell in her face as she lurched forward like a zombie. L shivered in terror because he could have sworn her eyes were _gleaming red_ as her fingers found their way around another knife.

" _Serves you right, STUPID!_ You weren't supposed to be with him! You were supposed to be with me! If I can't have you… _I'LL KILL US BOTH!_ "

 _ **"Misa!"**_ Rem gasped out. That gave Misa pause. Why was the Shinigami looking at her like that? What was her problem? Rem never objected to her killing anyone before!

In Misa's moment of hesitation she was suddenly and quickly subdued by Mr. Mogi who had been, as usual stoically shadowing Light upon L's request and ultimately made the difficult decision to blow his cover when he kept hearing those sounds of disturbance from within the restaurant. The second knife clattered onto the floor as the big man tackled her from behind.

"You're under arrest ma'am," Mogi informed her as he snapped handcuffs onto the struggling girl.

 _"No! No! No! They need to die! **We** need to die! Light! How could you do this to me! Kira! **Kira!** REM! Kill them! Kill them, please?"_ She ranted and raved as Mr. Mogi took her away.

"Ryu-Ryuuzaki…" Light groaned as L kept constant pressure on Light's wound.

"Hang in there, Light. _Please._ "

Light's eyes fluttered as he fought to stay conscious and L noticed that Light had very pretty eyes—long lashes that danced over pools of molten gold…

 _"So stupid!"_ Light spat out and again made himself look at the knife in his hand, bracing himself to again see angry flesh ripped apart and the erupting crimson fountain of blood but instead only saw how Ryuuzaki's white sweater had become wet and red as L kept the pressure on the wound (and kept holding hand.)

 _This is God's wounds, God's blood._

Light had never been so _terrified_ in his life and over what? It was just a stupid girl! This was _beyond humiliating!_

Of course Light was perfectly happy deluding himself. He didn't like any reminders of his own mortality.

_This God bleeds like everyone else. This God will die like everyone else._

_Damn that girl!_

Light couldn't stop that stupid, pathetic whimpering that kept bubbling up out of his throat. L leaned in close to him and completely on impulse, to the surprise of both of them, kissed his cheek.

"We're going to make it, alright?" L insisted.

L kept Light talking, kept him conscious until the ambulance finally arrived.

"Let me ride." L demanded.

"Only family is allowed, sir."

"I'm his brother," L lied easily. When the nurse looked at him skeptically L added "His adopted brother."

In the end they let him stay at Light's side as they embarked on their journey to the emergency room.

It wasn't until hours later that L realized he had forgotten all about his pies.


	5. Busted

Watari found L waiting in the hospital waiting room. The detective didn't look up from where he crouched atop a rickety folding chair, hugging his knees to his chest, and seemed to barely register his guardian's presence.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"He's still in surgery." L mumbled around his sorely abused thumb.

"How is he?"

The eccentric detective nervously rubbed his bare toes together. "The doctor says it's too soon to tell but… I know they aren't telling me everything. He lost a lot of blood. But even so Light is a healthy young man. Surely he'll recover from..." there was another slight twitch of the toes. L had heard it all through the door. Light had nearly died during surgery.

And that's when security had forced L out into the waiting room when, fearing for Light-kun's life, the eccentric genius had tried to burst in and perform the surgery himself. In retrospect he was glad they did—he obviously hadn't been thinking rationally. "I know Light. He's a fighter. He'll get through this. He has to."

"Ryuuzaki…" Watari was looking stern. Of course L knew there were other things he _should_ be doing. He had their attempted murderer in custody. He knew he should be questioning her. But apparently Misa Amane hadn't said a word since being taken into custody. Perhaps it would be better to leave her to stew in a cell for a while. She might be more talkative then…

"Ryuuzaki…" Watari cleared his throat and tried again, calling L's alias. Watari sighed and finally resorted to just showing L his discovery. L's big black eyes seemed to somehow get even bigger and maybe sparkle a bit upon seeing what Watari had brought with him.

"My—I mean Light-kun's pies?"

L quickly lost his appetite as he realized his slip... and over the fact that the cherry filling resembled blood—perhaps that _was_ blood, considering how Watari snapped at him that it was "Evidence."

L became preoccupied with his toes again until his caretaker cleared his throat.

"Ryuuzaki… did you really think I wouldn't be able to tell what you were doing?"

"Huh? Oh… right." L sighed. He didn't really expect he could get anything past Watari but it was worth a shot. Such concerns, even _The Punishment_ Watari would no doubt inflict upon him, didn't seem to matter much anymore. Not with Light fighting for his life a few rooms away over what should have been a simple procedure.

The last time he saw Light—he looked deathly pale and so weak. There was something unnerving about seeing Light like that— _of course_ L didn't believe Kira to be a God but L found he had subconsciously put his nemesis up on a pedestal. Kira was meant to be his ultimate challenge—though he was not a God he certainly seemed to have the powers, _the will,_ of one but it was looking like Kira, _Light,_ was human after all.

And so was L.

Light… he looked _so scared_ after being stabbed. L might have found Kira's panic to be more amusing except he no doubt looked the same and… it was Light-kun. L hated Kira and everything he stood for but he… _liked_ Light-kun. L was finding that brilliant, upright, prissy, _disturbed_ young man was… very dear to him indeed.

L looked up, alarmed when his guardian put his hand on his shoulder, and L realized that Watari was talking to him.

"…But that's not really what I wanted to talk to you about. Honestly, I expected you to sneak sweets. In fact, the doctor said _some sweets_ are okay, but knowing _you,_ this was the only way to limit your intake. No, something else has been troubling me. The way you've been toying with that young man's feelings—and don't try to say it's for the case because Wammy's House is not a brothel and _that's_ not how I trained you to solve cases!"

L flinched. "I'm sorry."

"Unless the sweets were just an excuse?" Watari took L's silence and awkward fidgeting as confirmation. "He's your suspect."

"Yes, I'm well aware."

"I'm afraid I don't understand. Please explain your reasoning on this matter."

L flinched again. He knew that was Wammese for _"What the hell were you thinking?"_

L was having trouble understanding himself at the moment. Somehow Light had registered as more important to him than his sweets—that was kind of a big deal for him. After all, there were only two things in life that gave the legendary detective any pleasure—solving difficult cases and eating sweets, not necessarily in that order. L was still trying to figure out why that was. Was it because Light was Kira and the Kira case was his most important and difficult case of his career? No, L didn't think that was it because he was concerned about Light's well-being, he was… _scared_ for Light's sake. And not just in the moment either, but still. He _wanted_ him to pull through this. This was a novel experience for L—he was raised to see others of a similar intellect level to his own as nothing more than rivals that he needed to destroy. But for some reason Light was registering as… different. Even though he was in all likelihood Kira; Light was kind to him or at least pretended to be. (In fact he was _suspiciously_ nice, considering L accused him of being a mass murderer every other sentence—ironically, Light would probably look more innocent in L's eyes if he got mad and lost it more often.) That meant Light really was the closest thing L had to a friend, at least as he understood it. No, not just a friend—the socially challenged detective was fairly certain they had moved past that to something… more. Something he most definitely shouldn't be feeling for his Kira suspect!

_He's probably Kira. He saved my life. I… like him. Does this mean I'm compromised? What is the just thing to do?_

"Watari, when I prove that Light is Kira… I shouldn't turn him over to Interpol. That would no doubt start WWIII."

"Yes, we stopped that once already—it would be unfortunate if this case undid all our efforts."

"So my only real options once I've proven Light to be Kira are to either have him killed or keep him in secret. To kill him myself would make me no different from Kira so it looks like I will be keeping him."

Watari and L began a staring contest, which of course L won when he flashed his cutest smile—it was the same smile he used when he was eight years old and was begging to keep a stray kitten he found out in the rain. Watari made sure the kitten had gone to a good home—he couldn't let L get distracted from his work. L had perfected his smile technique since then. And his arguing skills. Alas Watari could not find a flaw in his logic even if L's motives were completely selfish.

"I'm more than capable of punishing Kira for his crimes by myself," L insisted, his dark eyes silently pleading and again Watari saw eight-year-old L cradling that wet, pathetically mewling bundle of fur. _"...And I'll even remember to feed him everyday! Please Mr. Wammy?"_

Watari gave a long-suffering sigh. Now he would gladly have let L keep the kitten if he thought it meant he wouldn't want to keep a ruthless mass murderer… "While I can't say I particularly like your choice of company I will support you in this matter whatever you decide to do. And, as counterintuitive as it is… he might actually be good for you…" L looked genuinely surprised by his guardian's change of heart. "You haven't tried to sneak sweets since young Yagami was injured and watching the two of you work—you compliment each other very well… It's a shame really; if we found him when he was younger we could have trained him into doing something more… _productive_ than his current hobby. He could have even been a serious contender to be your successor."

L bit back a rare chuckle at the thought. He couldn't imagine Light growing up at Wammy's house. No, with Light's straight-edge perfectionist personality—it would have destroyed him. The detective grimaced; now that he thought about Light was a lot like A...

L's troubled brooding was interrupted when his cellphone went off in his jeans pocket.

"Yes, Mr. Mogi?"

"Ryuuzaki, I've just been searching Amane's apartment like you asked and we've got something here."

"Show me."

***

 

The taskforce had actually found a couple of strange things.

The first was the shrine Misa Amane had erected for Light. The girl was clearly, unhealthily obsessed with him. But L didn't need to see the shrine to know that.

L stared at his laptop screen which showed him, in detail, the image of the altar—Misa's tribute to Light. Surrounded by nine still-lit candles was a grand, blown up image of Light's photograph that was framed and sat in the middle of the altar. L found it amusing how the design of the picture frame somehow managed to be very _gothic_ even with all the cutesy hearts and kittens. Girlie, heart-shaped stickers stuck to the glass of the picture proclaiming Light to be a "darling" and a "sweetheart." The picture frame was surrounded on the altar by about a dozen red and black roses (fresh, probably placed on the altar that morning), and also shared space with a very creepy doll—the kind you'd buy from a shop in a horror movie only to have the shop disappear when you go to demand a refund when it starts hacking up your family.

Interspersed with other religious memorabilia and gothic accessories were scrapbooked and taped up newspaper clippings, following Kira's every move. It turned out Misa was quite the Kira supporter as well as a "Light worshipper." L didn't think it was a coincidence. But still it was galling for the great detective to think that this _idiot girl_ had somehow managed to find Kira before he did. But after a thorough investigation it would appear that Light really didn't know the girl and he was merely the victim of an obsessed stalker. L had to explain to the taskforce that that didn't decrease the probability that Light was Kira.

But that wasn't the only thing the Taskforce had found in Misa's room—Mogi had found it when he flipped the mattress.

"Hey, you! Shinigami! Rem, was it? Can you tell me what exactly I am holding?" The detective asked as he held the item between his thumb and index finger—it appeared to be a simple black journal with worn, white hieroglyphics on the cover, the names of many victims of the Kira case were written inside.

The Shinigami stared at him with it's haunting yellow eyes and L stared right back. The detective noticed how the creature seemed to hesitate, as if choosing it's words carefully as it answered.

**"It's a Death Note. The human whose name is written in this notebook shall die."**


	6. Tabula Rasa

Ryuk watched.

Ryuk watched as Light's self-proclaimed mortal enemy went berserk when it looked like Light was in trouble. How he kicked the orderlies. How he shouted at them and told them that they were all idiots before ultimately being overwhelmed by sheer numbers. Ryuk's ever-present grin widened. Even in such a state Light could still cause such drama! His human was still plenty entertaining. It's what made Ryuk hesitate when, for a moment, it looked like the kid was doomed—when those machines they had hooked up to him began making that loud beeping and the doctors got out the needles and the crash cart Ryuk knew from watching TV that that was very bad and that Light was probably dying. However by the time the Shinigami registered this that damned plucky kid had already recovered. Ryuk laughed at that. Light was probably the luckiest human to ever be cursed with misfortune. Ryuk was glad. He wasn't on Light's side or anything but he had nothing against him either—really the Shinigami saw his human as nothing more than an amusing pet. Of course he would kill him one day but the Shinigami was determined to squeeze out every last drop. The Shinigami still had his notebook out, ready to write Light's name at a moment's notice but he waited. Ryuk regarded his human. He was sleeping peacefully now but Ryuk imagined he was in for some amusing antics later when Light discovered his bandaged up hand. It would be no doubt troublesome for Light to write in his notebook that way.

But there was something else that had captured the Shinigami's curiosity and so stayed his hand. Ryuk, like all Shinigami could instinctively sense when a lifespan had changed, for him it was like sniffing out prey—which one was weak, which one would make a good meal. Though the red numbers that floated above the humans' heads—that set date when a human was _supposed_ to die— though that never changed, the humans actual lifespan often did. For instance, just Ryuk's act of dropping a notebook in the human world shortened the lifespans of countless humans. Ryuk sensed that his human's lifespan was in a violent state of flux. Sometimes it felt very short, other times it felt much longer than it should be—that Light just might live past his rapidly approaching death date. Of course, this shouldn't be possible. It was a rather amusing rule of the notebook that Ryuk never told Light—that the Death Note's very presence had an influence on the human world and the owner. The notebook could never increase human lifespans. Only cut them short. The Death Note could never "save" anyone. This was just another joke that brought Ryuk no end of amusement—he knew Light thought he was saving people with his project. What his human failed to grasp was that if a human was fated to die anyway even removing that human's would be murderer from the equation would not change the inevitable.

And yet Ryuk had sensed that something had changed with Light. Was it because another Shinigami was interfering or was there some other force at work here? If this fluctuation was being caused by a Shinigami, than no doubt that Shinigami was not long for this world—but Ryuk was fairly certain it wasn't his doing!

Ryuk startled as just then another Shinigami barged in through the wall; a large, bone-white one with purple hair. Ryuk tried to place her. Yes her. It was a female and one of higher rank than him at that. He was fairly certain he'd met her a few centuries ago. What'sherface? Rem, wasn't it?

 **"Ryuk…"** the female began, **"We need to talk."**

***

He was having the oddest dream. It involved watching the news, only the newscaster was silent. She spoke but no words came out of her mouth and she looked so small from where she spoke wordlessly from some sort of sack or bag. Then seemingly without reason or remorse Light scooped her up and devoured her whole. He then slashed across his desk with his pencil as if it were a sword and he knew as one knows in the logic of dreams that his pencil strike had slain the wicked and saved innocent lives.

_JUSTICE!_

It was the kind of dream that made absolutely no sense and normally was only brought on by eating oregano but he didn't even eat any pizza lately.

Light awoke with a start but when he tried to open his eyes, his own name became a curse—it was all too bright, too white and he squeezed his eyes shut again.

"Light-kun…"

Light startled when he heard a familiar baritone coming from his bedside, resulting in his accidentally moving his wounded hand. Light sucked in a sharp breath at the sudden stinging pain and his nose was assaulted by that distinctive "hospital" smell. Why was he in a hospital? Oh, that's right—some crazy bitch stabbed him in the hand… in one quick, panicked motion Light made sure his hand was still there.

"He's awake!" L called off to some other plane of existence beyond this too bright bedroom.

Light moved… and hissed in pain.

"Careful, Light or you'll tear your stitches."

"Wha— _R-Ryuuzaki?_ " Light mumbled as his eyes focused on the familiar dark bird's nest of the detective's hair.

"How are you feeling, Light-kun?"

"I… It's like… Like my head feels like it's going to float away like a hot-air balloon," Light groaned inarticulately, trying to string together an entire sentence. For some reason everything seemed so disjointed.

"How's the pain?

"It's just … dull ache. You know like…" L noted how Light's face scrunched up cutely as he grasped for the right words "…numb."

"That's because the painkillers are working. The doctor said you're really lucky. It's going to be stiff and painful for a while but you should make a full recovery."

 _Hopefully…_ L was worried. The doctor also said that for some reason Light wasn't healing as fast as he should. It was his understanding that Light's constitution seemed rather weak. _Perhaps it's a side-effect…?_ "You know, just a couple millimeters to the right and the knife could have severed a tendon and you would have lost the ability to use that hand—"

"He's awake? Light!" Light startled as his father was suddenly there and he looked quite angry. _"What were you thinking?"_ His father snapped at him.

"I just… Ryuuzaki… she would have—" Light began but his father cut him off.

"What could have _possessed_ you to put a _bomb_ in your desk?"

_"What?"_

"Mr. Yagami!" L scolded him.

"What? I…"Light was thrown by the question. First of all because it meant that they found the bomb in his desk and… for that matter why _did_ he set up a bomb in his desk? It just seemed like a good idea at the time...

"I-I didn't want anyone reading my diary."

"Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?" His father thundered. "You're lucky no one was killed! If your sister…"

What _had_ he been thinking? Light was horrified by his own actions. Sure he kept a diary but he never recorded his secrets in it and then left it around so someone might find it. That was just stupid! His father was right—he had needlessly put his sister in danger.

"I—"

"Mr. Yagami," L broke in. "That's hardly fair. He's just woken up—he's still very confused. Light-kun is currently so doped up on painkillers that I doubt he even remembers his name."

"R-Ryuuzaki?" Light couldn't believe that the detective that did nothing but accuse him of mass murder was defending him now.

L smiled. "No, Light-kun. That's my name. Not yours."

"No, that's not your name." Light slurred. L smiled as Light groaned inarticulately from within his pillow and then went on speaking with Light's father as if he wasn't even there. "You shouldn't be so hard on him. He's a teenager. Teenagers, even teenagers as bright as Light-kun, sometimes do stupid, reckless things. It's a scientifically proven fact. The frontal lobe of the human brain is not even fully developed until the mid-twenties. He just didn't think it through. In fact, when I was his age…"

The chief blanched so that he nearly matched his bedridden son. "That's alright, Ryuuzaki," Souichiro quickly interrupted. "You don't have to tell me the details." Souichiro was still traumatized from the last time he had dared to ask the detective about some of the "strange things" he had done as a teenager. Light was left to wonder how L managed to disarm his father mid-scolding and could only conclude that L must have mystical powers of parental pacification. L pretended to cough to hide the growing smile that threatened to crawl across his face. The chief awkwardly cleared his throat. "Light… don't think you're off the hook! We'll talk about this later."

After his father left, Light turned to the man crouched at his bedside. "Ryuuzaki… that argument would never hold up in a court of law."

"Then it's lucky for Light-kun that I am the law… and that I like him."

"I…" Light was already looking pale from blood loss. L didn't think it was possible for Light to look paler but was soon proved wrong. "Ryuuzaki, I don't even know why I—."

L frowned. Light's voice sounded small and scared and _wrong_ and the detective realized that he had rather _liked_ that arrogant bastard and he would miss him terribly. (Perhaps with the proper coaxing he could get him back… without the unpleasant side effects.)

Light attempted to shift on the bed closer to him but soon realized he couldn't move seeing as his good hand was handcuffed to the bed.

"Easy, Light," L said soothingly as the teen began to panic. "It's just a precaution."

"Against _what?_ "

"I'm sorry... I'm sure this is all very confusing to you. I promise I'll go over the details with you later but suffice to say it was for your own protection. I feared there might be others like Ms. Amane who would try to take you away from me. You see… there has been a break in the case, Light…" L paused to stare at Light somewhat warily "You _do_ remember the case, don't you?"

 _What is he on about? I was stabbed in the hand, not the head!_ Light leveled a glare. "Of course I remember the case!"

Light felt himself heating up under the other man's penetrating stare but held his gaze. The detective simply shrugged and began unwrapping his sucker.

 _A break in the case and I'm the one handcuffed to the bed. But I'm not…!_ "I'm not…" Light winced in embarrassment at how it came out in a whimper and his voice had cracked.

"You're not." L agreed. "I caught Kira. He will never terrorize the world again."

For some reason L's announcement sent Light's heart racing. If the loud hammering in his chest wasn't proof enough it was also exposed by the significant increase in tempo on the beeping machines. A bead sweat trickled down from his brow.

"Are you alright, Light-kun," L asked as he noticed that Light seemed to be having a mild panic attack.

"Of course! I'm just happy that you finally caught that bastard." _That's all there is to it—has to be. After all, I know I'm innocent so there's no reason for me to be afraid._

"I'm sorry you slept through it. Maybe next time." L said in a placating tone as he swirled his tongue around his sucker. Light found that to be a bit distracting.

"Wha—?"

"You're obviously really excited about this," L said as noticed the change in Light's breathing. "Or maybe you're just happy to see me."

"Ryuuzaki... must you twist this into something perverted and—?"

Light suddenly felt very exposed as L continued to stare his soul-devouring stare and here he was just wearing that stupid papery hospital gown—in a self-conscious moment Light attempted to pull the gown down further and winced as he momentarily forgot that his free hand was injured.

"Please, allow me."

"Ryuuzaki!" Light protested but L had already crawled from his chair into the hospital bed with him. As usual the eccentric detective had no sense of propriety and so adjusted the gown for him (defeating the entire purpose of adjusting it) as Ryuuzaki's long, slender fingers brushed awkwardly against his thigh.

Light felt himself heating up as L leaned in close. Strange. Light remembered how L had taken to feeding him cake and kissing him lately. Though it wasn't an unpleasant experience it was hardly appropriate and regardless of his feelings on the matter he really shouldn't encourage this sort of thing. Really, what would his father think?

"Er Ryuuzaki… My mouth doesn't taste like cake at the moment. In fact at the moment it tastes rather terrible."

L looked defeated as he murmured "As expected you figured it out."

L could've sworn he saw crimson fire flashing behind Light's eyes as he said, accusingly, "You've been using me to sneak sweets or something."

"Yes," L said unapologetically. "Watari has me on a restricted diet."

Light simply grunted in an annoyance but L could tell he was hurt. _He's… sulking._ "But I—I really liked having an excuse to kiss you."

Light looked very shocked by L's announcement and a dopey expression crept across his face.

 _It's not fair, really. He's so unguarded now…_ L made a mental note that since things had changed perhaps he should try not to be so manipulative towards Light now… "I think I'd like to kiss you regardless." …And while he was at it perhaps he could teach pandas how to fly.

"I think I'd like that."

L made a start at the teen's answer. He couldn't believe his ears so he read his body language. Light's head was tilted to the side in a coy gesture. A little bit "come-hither" and a little bit shy and altogether very endearing. Light didn't need to tell him twice. The detective pounced, careful of the other man's wounded hand as he crawled over him in order to lock Light's dry and chapped lips with his own. L was just rediscovering how to invoke that interesting purring noise from Light when they were rudely interrupted. L was forcefully pulled off the bed by none other than Light's father.

Well, this was awkward.

What is the appropriate social response when the Chief of Police and your employee discovers you making out with his kid?

"Mr. Yagami, I assure you my intentions are noble."

For some reason Mr. Yagami didn't look convinced.

"WE TALK. NOW!"

 _"DAD!"_ Light called from the bed.

"WE'LL TALK LATER!"

Light clamped his mouth shut as L apparently allowed himself to be manhandled and dragged from the room and only a gawking nurse remained.

"What?" Light demanded as she kept staring at him like he was some kind of freak.

 _It's like she's never seen two men kissing before…_

"It's just… He _kissed_ you." The nurse looked quite scandalized.

Light swallowed in anxiety as he suddenly remembered little things like consequences. _My reputation! …No. I regret nothing!_

"Oh, that…" Light cleared his throat awkwardly as he came up with a plausible excuse "He's European."

The nurse opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again. She repeated this process several times. Light had to suppress a smirk when he thought about how it made her look like a fish.

"Isn't he your brother?"

_Crap! That must be L's cover!_

"Yeah, I mean—he's my half-brother actually and, er… that's just the customary greeting in… uh… France. Which is in Europe! Where he's from! Where that's the common greeting and er…"

Oddly enough the nurse seemed satisfied with that answer. Light figured it was either because he was _just that good_ that his lies were as smooth as silk even while doped up on painkillers or by luck his rapid-fire ramblings had somehow seamlessly fit with whatever cover story L told her earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You can probably guess what L did. The answers such as to how and what that means for Misa and Light are coming next chapter.
> 
> Also the Shinigami instinctively knowing if a human's lifespan has changed is just something I made up as explanation for some fridge logic: according to the rules of the notebook, the Shinigami eyes can only see a human's original lifespan. Yet in the anime Rem somehow knows and reacts when Misa's lifespan was cut again.


	7. An Excellent Day For An Exorcism (Part 1)

The Chief was showing a remarkable amount of restraint, all things considered. Perhaps because he was too shocked to react at the sight of L coming onto his son—though L imagined that if it was his daughter he had been kissing, the chief would no doubt be chasing him through the halls of the hospital with a shotgun right about now.

L perched awkwardly on the planter in front of the hospital and the Chief lit up a cigarette for the first time in twenty two years. L had insisted that they have this argument far away from where Light could potentially eavesdrop. Also, out here there were plenty of potential witnesses milling around should the Chief decide to murder him.

"Tell me, Mr. Yagami; is your concern as the Chief or as Light's father?" L was the first to break the awkward silence. He who strikes first wins.

The calm the Chief had almost managed to gain via nicotine evaporated. "Yes! Both!"

"Mr. Yagami, I know you do not agree with my methods… but I imagine you would prefer them to those proposed by the CIA. Of course a trial was never an option. The higher ups at the ICPO just wanted this to go away quietly and that is what we have done." _This way your son gets to live._

"I thought _that_ was just for the case!"

"Would you have preferred that I just used him?" the panda-like man asked innocently.

The Chief sputtered angrily and barked out a _"No!"_

"Then, I'm afraid I'm not sure what you want from me."

"An explanation would be nice!"

L sighed. "In the beginning it was… an accident."

"An accident?" he repeated, incredulously.

"I can't go into detail…"

"How _convenient._ "

"But, you see, back on the lost planet of Ltron where I'm from we never learned such human concepts as personal space or your human dating rituals for that matter," the detective said with his usual completely deadpan delivery. If not for the Spock salute Mr. Yagami could almost believe he was being serious.

"Ryuuzaki…"

Meanwhile L had to keep from wincing as soon as the words left his mouth. "It was a dumb joke, sorry." You see, this was what happened when you deprive the world's greatest detective of sugar and then made him confront the angry father of his boyfriend after inflicting The Punishment. Thanks a lot, Watari.

"I kind of accidentally came onto him and well, then he came onto me and then… well I suppose you don't need to know the details." L finished off quickly as he saw how the Chief was becoming red-faced again. "The fact of the matter is that I saw an avenue to stop Kira and I took it. That said I have no intentions of abandoning him now. This isn't about the case anymore. As long as he wants me, I'll be there for him. What happens between us—that's entirely up to him. Mr. Yagami, I will protect him, I will keep him safe, and I will never force him to do anything. You have my word on that."

L felt a surge of relief when he noticed how the chief relaxed, and seemed a little less inclined to murder him now.

"Have you, you know…"

L cocked his head to one side. "Know what?"

"You _know!_ "

L finally caught his meaning by Chief's awkward hand gestures.

"We just kissed, that's all."

The chief looked relieved.

"Though I might do that with him in the future if he's willing," the relief on the Chief's face vanished as quickly as it came. "Like I said, it's entirely up to him."

The Chief buried his face in his hands. "Ryuuzaki, please tell me you didn't just spare my son because…"

"I am the first to admit that I am not unbiased," the detective smiled, bitterly. "I _am_ only human. However the facts of this case are exactly as I said…"

***

 

**Earlier**

_"The human whose name is written in this notebook shall die."_

The simple black notebook hung precariously, upside down, between his fingertips. It was difficult to believe that it was this that caused so much death and destruction.

L attempted to ignore then monster that came with the book as it continued to stare him down.

 **"What will happen to Misa?"** the Shinigami suddenly asked.

"I take it you have an interest in Ms. Amane?"

The creature said nothing.

"Misa is the Second Kira."

 **"Was."** The creature corrected.

"You understand what that means."

**"You would have her executed."**

"Yes." L let the cover of the book swing open, the pages fluttered revealing the many names written inside it before dropping it roughly on the coffee table. "She killed all these people. This is human law."

The papers fluttered open again in the wind that was created when the demonic creatures spread it's white batwings with a great snap. **"That is unacceptable. You will find an alternative."** The creature demanded.

L merely looked blandly at the creature while wishing he had some candy to play with or _something_ to show just how very NOT intimidated he was by the monster's theatrics. He had yet to broach the subject of getting sweets (just a little!) for fear Watari would remember his threat about inflicting The Punishment upon him...

Meanwhile the Shinigami continued trying to persuade, no pleading on Misa's behalf.

**"I made her give up her powers. She no longer remembers her crimes! For all intents and purposes she is innocent!"**

"Even so, the best she could hope for would be life in prison. Though, all things considered, execution might be more merciful."

 ** _"L Lawliet."_** The Shinigami hissed out the name as if it were a curse. The detective froze, his eyes darting, paranoid, around the room. Luckily L had assigned the other officers busywork earlier so no one overheard.

"Please address me as Ryuuzaki." L replied, again affecting a bored expression, while inside his chest his heart was pounding like a drum. That the creature knew his name was more terrifying to L then the bone white razor claw that was being waved in his face.

**"I don't like you."**

L again regretted having nothing to chew on as he bit the inside of his lip until it bled. _Well, I don't see why not. You know me, always the people person—the world's greatest detective and one of the smartest people on the planet. Of course getting a God of Death mad at you is such a **smart** move._ "Any particular reason?" L muttered, being deliberately obtuse.

**"You're threatening Misa. Know that I will kill you and anyone else who attempts to harm Misa!"**

_If it could kill me than surely it would have done so already? Or is it because this Shinigami is a creature of conscience and would rather not have to kill us? It has shown empathy for Amane at least. How ironic—this monster seems more human than the human we have in custody…_

" _Misa-chan_ attempted to stab me and in fact she _did stab_ my—" L stopped mid-sentence as he realized how he would finish it. Rem was looking at him curiously so L attempted to cover his awkward pause by coughing and clearing his throat "…a very good friend of mine." _Misa Amane is the Second Kira. She worships Light just as she worships Kira—no doubt because Light Yagami is Kira. I knew this, but..._ "I cannot let _feelings_ get in the way of justice." L murmured in barely a whisper but Rem still heard him. The human then trapped her with his steely gaze. "I can't say that I am well disposed towards those that threaten me or make attempts on my life. I'm afraid death-threats will not persuade me over to your point of view. It did not work for Kira and it will not work for you. If you kill me, Misa Amane will be executed. I am the only one who can help Ms. Amane, though understand that I will not shed a tear for her no matter what her fate might be… Though I imagine that would make _you_ very unhappy."

Rem bared her fangs and emitted a low growl in response. The detective rolled his eyes in his slow, overly-apathetic way and fiddled with the pages of the notebook, playing with them between his fingertips since no sweets were forthcoming.

"Misa-chan is quite lucky to have such a loyal friend as you—I wonder what she has done to deserve it?"

**"You do not _understand,_ human!"**

L casually glanced up at the monster looming above him like his very own, personal sword of Damocles. "What don't I understand. Please. _Enlighten me._ "

 **"It's not her fault!"** The creature insisted again.

"Really? Whose is it then?"

**"It's mine!"**

_"What?"_

The monster looked subdued.

**"The owner of the notebook is _cursed!_ The owner is _possessed_ by a God of Death until they die. _Possessed, Ryuuzaki._ Do you understand? Or has the meaning of that word been lost over the centuries?"**

"Are you seriously arguing the _devil_ made her do it? You expect me to believe in fairy tales…" the detective began to scoff when he was met with harsh golden eyes and remembered just _what_ he was talking to.

The Shinigami almost appeared amused **"Where do you think your fairy tales came from human? No. I made her do it. Please. She is innocent. Her will was not her own."**

 _Possessed? Misa was possessed. Then that means Kira… Light is possessed... Why am I even considering this?_

L closed his eyes and recalled the sense memories. The electric feel of Light's body pressed against his. The way Light's mouth tasted after eating cake. The look on Light's face after he kissed him—how his cheeks would be tinged with pink, his normally neat hair mussed, and he would wear that amusing expression that appeared to be torn somewhere between annoyance and affection. It was most endearing.

_Of course you know **why.** You just don't like the answer. You don't want to lose him and you'll cling to anything if it means you don't have to—but… what if it's true?_

L opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. He repeated this process several times before finally choking out "Please, explain this to me Rem. Tell me everything!"


	8. An Excellent Day For An Exorcism (Part 2)

"Please, explain this to me Rem. Tell me everything!"

 **"Then you'll help Misa?"** the violet-haired creature asked, looking hopeful.

L hesitated. "I'll see what I can do."

 **"That's not enough!"** The Shinigami snarled.

"I need to know the situation before I can give you an answer. Please Rem, she has nothing to lose at the moment. You're cooperation now can only help her case!"

The creature sighed but began recounting the rules of the notebook. When that did not appear to be enough she attempted to say what normally no human would ever be told in such a way that wouldn't have her crumbling to dust.

**"I—I do not know the specifics. Just… the notebook wants to be used. It _changes_ the owner somehow and the Shinigami is bound to remain close to the human for the conversion process. You see, the role of the owner is akin to that of a God of Death. They become hunters instead of prey. Owning the notebook changes the human. They do things they would never do on their own. Any qualities that would make the human a poor killer will be stripped away—sanity, morality, their soul whatever you humans call it these days, it's replaced by a piece of that God of Death's… essence."**

As Rem continued to make excuses for Misa, L's mind continued to think and rethink and over-think the Rules of Death he had been told...

"You said you're here because of your fallen friend. That means Shinigami can die… and Rule 36."

**"What about it?"**

"That rules stands out. The way it's phrased, it seems like it was written more for Shinigami than it for humans. _There are male and female gods of death, but it is neither permitted, nor possible for them to have sexual relations with humans. The gods of death also cannot have sex with each other…_ So how do you reproduce?"

 **"It doesn't matter if Shinigami die,"** Rem evaded. **"There are always Shinigami."**

"That's my point. It's a Shinigami's weapon so why have these rules for humans to use it?"

 _A conversion process… Hunters instead of prey…_

"You're like… a vampire! You can't reproduce on your own so … That's why you're so protective of Misa! She's like your daughter!"

 **"I've said too much."** Rem's ashen face seemed to go even paler. In all the eons she had existed Rem had never met a human this sharp. **"Never repeat that to anyone!"**

L wondered if he had managed to gain some more leverage against the creature or if it was now just more inclined to end his life.

"Then I was right. You care for Misa."

 **"My… _feelings_ for Misa are… an aberration. Among my people, it is a sin to care for humans."** The Shinigami looked embarrassed **"Honestly, I never thought I'd have this problem. As a species, on the whole, humans disgust me—no offense."**

"None taken." L replied to the grotesque-looking monster in his usual sardonic way. "But I don't understand. If you care for Misa and knew that it would affect her like this then why give her the notebook?"

The creature just radiated shame and heartbreak **"I had forgotten this."**

"You _forgot?_ " How could anyone just forget something like that?

**"I am _very old,_ human. I have no doubt forgotten more than you have ever learned in your brief lifetime. And I do not often come to the human world. As I said, I'm not particularly fond of humans."**

"Just Ms. Amane."

 **"Lawli—"** L shot her a glare and the monster quickly corrected **"Ryuuzaki. _Please._ This is all my fault! Misa is a sweet girl—she isn't a murderer. I… _corrupted_ her. Yes, I corrupted her without even realizing it. If your _justice_ must punish someone then don't punish her. Punish me! This is my fault, not hers!"**

"I don't suppose you can prove any of this?"

The Shinigami's eyes flashed in anger. **"If you want proof all you have to do is wait. _You_ are now the owner of that notebook—that means now I possess _you._ I promise if you keep that book long enough the same thing will happen to you."**

The notebook fell out from between the detective's fingertips. It thumped audibly onto the coffee table. L simply stared at (into) it's abysmal black cover.

_…The abyss gazes also..._

"When?"

L glanced back at the monster to find that its gold eyes had taken to gleaming a sickening shade of red.

**"The conversion has already begun."**

At that declaration L lost his precarious balance on his chair. The detective remained where he fell, a stricken look upon his face. He was really wishing he had some sweets right now or better yet a certain auburn-haired young man to hold onto…

**"I apologize for resorting to threats so quickly. I feared that merely begging for your mercy would be in vain. Qualities such as mercy are usually the first to go. Though perhaps you might yet be kinder if you refrained from holding that book in your hand. So you will help Misa, yes?"**

"I thought… Misa was the owner—" L began when Rem interrupted him.

**"Misa was the owner. I told you, I convinced her to forfeit ownership and her memories of the notebook."**

"But then shouldn't whoever picked it up first be the owner?"

**"Whoever picked it up must have given it to you with a strong desire to give it up."**

L's thoughts were racing. That was Mogi. The detective recalled how the big man had shivered and thrust the black notebook at him. _"Take it! It gives me the creeps!"_

That was even before the Shinigami had appeared.

Mogi, curiously hadn't screamed like everyone else when the Shinigami had appeared but L had just attributed it to the man's strong work ethic since, as usual, a thick stack of papers held the man's full attention—L figured he just hadn't noticed it yet.

**"He gave it up so he doesn't see or hear me. Only the owner and those who have touched the notebook can see and hear me. It's as I told you, give up the notebook and you forget everything about the notebook and Shinigami. _But_ if you give it up now before you help Misa I will kill you."**

"I haven't written in it yet," L murmured to himself. "Then there _is_ a choice. Good to know."

 **"You think that now. But you should know that few Shinigami would show you the… kindness that I have."** Rem explained, grimacing as if she had said a dirty word. **"You are lucky that you knew what it was when you found it and that I explained it to you. You know the standard tradition among the Shinigami is to throw it at a human and let them figure it out. Know that even if you don't write in the book the book's influence is undeniable. It's meant to be used. If you choose to keep it even if you never write in it yourself you will eventually force others to write in it for you. The book will change you. You will become the very thing you most despise. This is the curse of the notebook."**

The eccentric detective still seemed to be staring off into space. In reality his deductions were coming so fast he could barely process them.

"Kira… If this is all true then the same thing… that's how…"

 **"I take it that Kira _means something_ to you, human."** Rem said, mocking L's earlier words.

Rem had despised Kira. She hated him for making Misa feel this way and for killing so many of his own kind. However, that hatred had softened a bit after witnessing him performing that act of love and sacrifice. He had saved this man's life with no thought to his own. Like Gelus. Come to think of it, if Kira was a Shinigami, he would have been dust long ago. Perhaps Kira was even as pure as Misa? (As Misa should have been…)

L met the Shinigami's eyes with a hardened stare as he answered her. "Yes… Kira is the one I am sworn to defeat."

The Shinigami sounded amused when it replied. **"No. He means more to you than that. You're just like Misa."**

_"WHAT?"_

**"When she thinks of him it makes her cheeks go all red too."**

L was pretty sure his cheeks were "going all red" right now.

**"Perhaps we can help each other. It's obvious you care for Kira."**

"You think I—?"

 **"Yes."** L glared, annoyed at being interrupted again. **"You should know Kira's Shinigami, Ryuk, won't be so willing to let his human go. Please. Help Misa and I will help you save Kira."**

***

L stirred at the bitter, sugarless oatmeal that Watari had at some point placed at his workstation with his uncanny butler-ninja skills as he pondered, with equal bitterness, on all the things he was being forced to give up. After all he had sacrificed for the sake of justice couldn't he at least keep one good thing in his life? Okay maybe it wasn't exactly a good thing. Actually it was probably very bad for his continued health and would ultimately be the death of him, but dammit, he enjoyed it! It made him happy!

L didn't want to give up Kira.

L was prepared to believe the Shinigami that Light was possessed and controlled and shouldn't be held accountable. It sounded like a believable enough excuse even if it was pure bullshit. He was ready to let Light off Scott-free even knowing everything he had done. As far as L was concerned, he solved the case, he had his fun, and Kira wouldn't kill again. The day was saved. Justice was done. Blah, blah, blah. That part wasn't bothering him.

Nor was it that in order to give Light a clean slate he would, in effect, be brainwashing Light—or rather "reprogramming" him, undoing the brainwashing brought on by the book. In any case he would be controlling him to be good. It was not much better than Kira, really, but L wasn't too bothered by that. He was L, the world's greatest detective that lived in the shadows, engaged in unsavory business. He always knew he was a murder spree away from _being_ Kira himself and he freely compared himself with his nemesis.

No, what was bothering L was that if Rem's story was true and Misa and Light had been brainwashed—that meant the person he knew, _the Light L knew,_ Kira… wasn't real, had never been real. It was some alternate personality brought on by trauma or demonic possession or something and the person he knew wasn't the true Light. Therein lay the problem. He _liked_ the Light he knew, even though he was Kira. L always _knew_ but… but for the first time in his life he felt something and it was for… Dammit, they _had something_ here! Watari had even given his somewhat grudging approval. And now L had the means to "save" him but… it would also change him. Without Kira who was Light? Would doing this, in effect, _kill_ the boy he knew?

But this was Light's shot at happiness. Should he really deprive the teen of a chance at redemption and a happy life just because he was bored and wanted someone to talk to? And though L was pretty new at this he was fairly certain that keeping Light as Kira and holding him against his will wasn't exactly a recipe for a happy, loving relationship. But if he made Light forget… L knew he was being selfish but he didn't want to lose whatever this was that they had. Would Light even give him the time of day if he wasn't Kira? After all Kira was only pretending to be his friend to get his name. Once that was removed, Light would no longer have a reason to put up with the detective's many quirks, bad habits, and harassing behaviors...

 _"WHO did this? Give me their name!"_ The teen had demanded upon seeing the scars Beyond Birthday had given him, shaking with righteous fury. Protective. Light _had_ protected him from Misa.

 _He cares. Even if it comes out of a desire to destroy me… he cares. I mean something to him. Perhaps then I am the problem._

It was Kira that had engaged L intellectually and without Kira would Light become… _boring?_ Without Kira could Light even capture his interest? And that he was considering this… considering _abandoning_ Light after he saved his life… Did this make him a terrible person? L didn't want to abandon Light after the case was over but, realistically, what other outcome could there possibly be? Things would go back to the way they were. Light would go back to his old life of being a student and L would move on to his next case…

 _No._

L abruptly stood up, his head swimming from sitting so long. The detective's bare feet quietly padded down the hall.

**"Where are you going, human? Have you decided?"**

L nodded discreetly to the Shinigami "I'm going to talk to Misa. There's something I need to know…"


	9. An Excellent Day For An Exorcism (Part 3)

"Mr. Stalker? This is illegal! You have to stop!" shrieked the bound girl pitifully from within her cell. 

L might have had more sympathy for her if not for the facts that 1) she had just tried to kill him and Light and 2) every time she opened her mouth it was like listening to nails on a chalkboard. Rem was, predictably, rather displeased upon seeing how Misa was tied up and let her displeasure with the situation be known with a long, drawn-out growl. 

_Hmmm… Mama Shinigami is angry._

**"This is totally unnecessary! She no longer has the power!"**

"…It could all be an elaborate ruse to make me think the notebook is the source of Kira's power…" L murmured, paranoid as usual.

The Shinigami gave L a _look._ **"Misa… elaborate?"**

L worried at his thumbnail but the creature had a point—those two words didn't belong together in the same sentence. 

**"Misa is smarter than most men give her credit for but I'm afraid she isn't that smart. She isn't _your_ Kira."**

_My Kira…_

L smiled to himself as he remembered how Light looked with mussed hair and flushed cheeks and quickly shook his head to dispel the images. He had work to do—though his work was gratifying in its own way. 

L clicked on the microphone. 

"Misa Amane…"

"Oh, is that you, Mr. Stalker?"

L stared at the psycho girl in disbelief. _**I'm** the stalker?_

"Please let me out, I'll even give you a kiss on the cheek if you want!" 

Misa couldn't see L's look of disdain seeing how Misa was blindfolded and L was questioning her from his comfy armchair in another room. The detective made a face like he was being forced to eat whole-grain oatmeal again. "That is not necessary. Misa Amane. Do you know why I'm detaining you here?" 

"Because I'm a celebrity obviously!" chirped the blonde. 

"You don't think attacking two unarmed men with a knife might have something to do with it?"

"That was self-defense! Some nasty perv was raping my boyfriend!" 

L frowned and wordlessly exchanged a glance with Rem. The monster grimaced in embarrassment and discomfort. Kira memories or no it seemed Misa Amane had long ago said 'bye-bye' to reality. 

"Are you referring to Light Yagami?" 

Misa brightened considerably at the mention of her obsession's name. "Yes! Let me see Light!"

"Who has never met you before—" 

"What? No! He's my boyfriend!" Misa insisted. 

"…you attacked him with a butcher knife?"

"No! That's not true! Misa would never hurt Light! It was the nasty perv's doing! _Light! Let me see Light! Light!_ " 

L frowned at that. _She's not supposed to remember… I suppose—this is the moment of truth._ The test to see just how much Misa remembered… "Now… Misa Amane, we've met before…" 

"You really are my stalker, aren't you?" the blonde demanded. 

"No Misa. I am not your stalker, though you seem to have mistaken me for one." L turned off the voice filter. "Do you recognize the sound of my voice? Do you know who I am?"

Misa thought about it for a minute, her face appeared to be scrunched up in concentration… or constipation—it was hard to tell which, seeing as Misa seemed to come from that set of actors who over-act in real life—as evidenced by the way Misa’s whole body jolted in her seat when she had the sudden epiphany. "Oh! MY! GOD! YOU'RE THE PERVERT!"

"I don't think I'm a pervert…" L muttered in weak protest. 

_Well at least it seems she doesn’t remember my name. Or no doubt she would be screaming it. Speaking of screaming…_

_"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LIGHT?! LET ME OUT OR I'LL SCREAM!"_

L swiftly killed the sound as Misa made good on her threat and marveled how the girl's shrill voice shattered the lens of the monitoring camera. (Luckily there were many backup cameras hidden in the walls that were better protected so the suspect would continue to be monitored in case she tried to falsely claim abuse later.) 

"Misa Amane…" L began again after Misa had screamed herself hoarse.

Misa whimpered in response. "You're going to rape me too now, aren't you?" 

L rolled his eyes. "No Misa, unlike _someone I could name_ I've never forced myself on anyone… especially not the mentally challenged…"

"Wha—So now you're calling me stupid?!"

"Yes. And even if you were willing and could give consent… I don't find you the least bit attractive."

The blonde made a miffed, disbelieving sound as if she found the notion that someone could resist her buxom charms utterly inconceivable. "Wha—why the hell not?!" L mused that if she wasn’t tied to a chair she’d be stamping her foot in indignation right about now. 

"You're very annoying." L replied. As if to prove that point Misa screamed at him again, this time in rage. "I assure you, I would never want to touch you in the ways you are suggesting." 

"That _I…? Pervert!_ "

Was this productive? No. Was it satisfying? Hell yes. The detective never claimed not to be childish. 

"Let me see my boyfriend, you stupid pervert!" shrieked the blonde. 

"And which boyfriend would that be?" 

"You know which one, you pervert!"

"Which one? Just how many boyfriends do you have? And are all of them battered men?" L mused it might just be his civic duty to start support groups for all of Misa's victims. 

_"JUST LIGHT, YOU PERVERT!"_

"Now would this be the _Light Yagami_ that told you ‘to go to hell you crazy bitch’ when you declared him your boyfriend?"

" _SHUT UP!_ You must have done something to him!" Misa shrieked. _"YOU… PERVERT!"_

"You're really attached to that word, aren't you? Very uncreative. You might want to invest in a thesaurus… no, before you ask it's not a kind of dinosaur." L casually informed her. Just then he heard the Shinigami growl again. It seemed that Rem had put up with L's "questioning" long enough. 

**"Stop it, Lawliet! This is hurting her!"**

"Yes, I suppose I've learned what I needed to know." L winced when he didn't kill the sound fast enough and worried that her high-pitched shrieking might have just split his ear drums. After turning off the mike, the detective immediately whirled on the Shinigami, addressing it with a most accusatory tone (and effectively going on the offensive) "You told me she doesn't remember anything!"

Rem seemed taken aback by this effrontery. **"She doesn't remember being the Second Kira or any of the murders she committed with the Death Note. However, even though she no longer remembers any of that her feelings still remain. She still loves Light Yagami and she still hates you for coming between them."**

"She doesn't love him! She doesn't even know him! No one knows him like I do! I mean—er…" _Crap, did I just say that out loud?_ It seems Misa's stupidity is catching. L analyzed his own actions and quickly came to the unsettling conclusion that he was _jealous._ "He’s still a mystery to me," the detective finished lamely. 

Of course L noticed the Shinigami's flash of amusement at his slip… and the triumphant gleam in her eyes. **"My offer still stands. Help save Misa and I will help you save him."**

Believe it or not L came away from his little talk with Misa relieved. 

_It's the same. The core of her personality hasn't changed—and her feelings haven't changed. Then if we do this… then Light should be the same person I've come to know—just minus being a serial killer._ L abruptly turned to the Shinigami. "Alright Rem. I'm ready to bargain, but first what exactly do you mean by "save Misa?"" 

Rem glared at him as if he was stupid. **"I want you to release her! I don’t want her to suffer and I want her to lead a happy life."**

L sighed. "Rem-sama, the girl is clearly unbalanced even without the notebook. If I just freed her as you want me to in all likelihood she'd resume stalking Light Yagami and when he doesn’t return her affections she’s likely to kill herself soon afterwards." 

**"What about Light Yagami?"** the creature pressed. 

L hid his anxiety by worrying his thumb nail again. "What about him?"

 **"You’re his friend, aren’t you? Don't you want him to be happy? Can't you get him and Misa… She loves him. Misa can never be happy without him!"**

"Oh, sure she can. But first of all, just so we're clear on this—Light is mine, I have no intention of sharing, and even beyond that if you were to force Light and Misa together when he has no interest in her and is not capable of loving her in return they would never be _happy_ together. In fact, I'm sure that would make them _both_ miserable." L watched in bemusement at how the creature's spiky, bony shoulders slumped in defeat. "However, there is some good news to all this—considering how quickly Misa pair-bonded with Light when she doesn’t even know him suggests that it should be easy enough to transfer her obsession to a new target." L took a moment to compulsively fiddle with his fingers as he let Rem digest that information before he continued. "Alright… so this is how it's going to be. Now, I can't promise that Misa won't suffer. In case you haven't noticed—suffering defines life as a human. Please be realistic. If she wasn't suffering she'd be dead." Rem began snarling at that and the detective threw up his hands in a placating gesture. "However I can work to make things go well for her. Here's the plan. I will have Misa committed to a mental institution but to the public Misa will just disappear in secret. This will generate interest in what had happened to her. It will help her career as well as minimize the stigma. When interest is at its peak I will let it leak out that she had a post traumatic episode from her parents being killed in front of her, and from being attacked by a stalker and that she then acted out the same scene on someone else. This will generate sympathy. Her fans will love it. Then when she gets out she will be very popular and her career will be in high demand. They will plead to have her on talk shows, she'll have a book deal, and people begging her for the movie rights. And while Misa stays at the asylum she will be cared for and she will have friends… even if I have to pay them. And I'll help her find a suitable match as well."

 **"When will Misa be released?"** Rem demanded. 

"I cannot give you a timeline when she will be out. The mental hospital isn't like prison. It's entirely depending on her behavior if she has more or less freedom and it's ultimately up to the doctors when they want to release a patient. I'll monitor the situation closely and I'll do everything in my power to make her happy while she receives treatment. But you should realize no matter what actions I take, she's going to suffer. But this is the only way she'll ever get better. Even without the Death Note to warp her mind she is still very disturbed—she's clearly been traumatized by the death of her parents. Please, Rem-sama, this is her best shot at happiness—so let's help each other." 

**"And Light? Even if they can't be… I know it would make her happy to see him."**

L sighed. "Provided it isn't harmful to Misa's mental state Light and I will visit her—but that's a big _if_. Again it's up to Misa and it's up to the doctors and, most importantly, it's up to Light. She stabbed him, remember? I wouldn't blame him if he's not too keen on visiting her right now. In fact if I were him I'd take a _long time_ to warm up to her after something like that. And even if he does agree, if Misa becomes violent or if our presence negatively impacts her mental state we will discontinue the visits unless the doctors advise otherwise. We probably won’t visit often. Again, understand that this is for Misa’s sake—she won’t get a chance to recover from her obsession if we keep baiting her with her fixation. Please understand Rem-sama, there are only so many factors that even I can control but I will make you this deal—if you can convince Ryuk not to kill Light and that it would be far more entertaining to leave Kira to me then I will make sure that Misa gets the best treatment available." 

Rem seemed to consider and concluded that yes, this really was for the best—and the best Misa could hope for. 

**"Alright. But I too can't make any promises. Ryuk is very fickle and he wants to be entertained."**

L frowned. It sounded like Ryuk was easily bored and, unlike Rem who was a creature of conscience, there was nothing to stop Ryuk from reneging on his deal later—just for shits and giggles. Now what could keep the Shinigami occupied for the rest of their lives if the Shinigami realm was as boring as Rem had described it and most of the creatures just sat around playing games…? L was struck by a sudden epiphany as he suddenly recalled one of his successors… _that one guy!_ What’s his name? Third in line. Always wearing that striped shirt, always a victim of Mello’s hair dye pranks… What was it? Matt or something…?

"Rem-sama… do you think Ryuk might be interested in playing a different game?"

***

With help from Rem and Ryuk L had Wedy retrieved the notebook from Light's bedroom but that was only after a damned close call… 

_"Oi, Ryuk-sama!" L addressed the new monster that was shadowing him in his most mocking, irritating tone of voice. "Why didn't you tell Rem-sama about the exploding desk drawer?"_

_The Shinigami cackled in response—it was a grating, gutteral sound, reminiscent of a raven that had just alighted on a fresh corpse and was about to pluck its eyes out. "You didn't ask!"_

L scowled. _Cheeky monster. He must’ve driven Light insane._

"…Provided you leave Light, myself, the Yagami family, the taskforce, all the people in my employ and affiliated with me, the Japanese police, and Misa alone…" L didn't want to leave any loopholes. "Better yet, don't kill any humans for the next hundred and fifty years. That ought to cover it. Do this for me and all these apple orchards will be yours to feed from at any time. So, Ryuk-sama, do we have a deal?" 

The Shinigami pouted **"I don't know. It'll be awfully boring without Light..."**

"Ryuk-sama—have you ever played video games before?"

L soon discovered that Ryuk did indeed know what video games were—the detective felt a grin tugging at his lips. As morbid as it all was the thought of Light and the monster playing _Super Mario Bros._ together made for an amusing image.

"What kind of game?" The monster asked excitedly.

The detective gave the monster his cute, earnest smile which he used to convince police officers he was totally trustworthy and most definitely not the creep they perceived him to be. "It's called _Everquest._ " 

So L introduced Ryuk to MMORPGs and Ryuk was kept occupied for the next hundred years.


	10. Lucky You

"…And as you know we burned Light's notebook. Kira is no more." L finished telling the Chief his story with an overly dramatic flailing of his arms, causing him to wobble a bit from his precarious perch on the edge of the planter. The genius hastily curled his toes in an attempt to get a better grip on the concrete. 

"But what about Rem's book?" asked the Chief. 

"It's currently locked away. No one can access it, not even me. It will be destroyed by an automated system once it's absolutely certain that we're all in the clear." 

Mr. Yagami looked uncertain. "But I thought we were already…"

L nervously fiddled with his toes. "That largely depends on Misa now. In the meantime Watari is monitoring me for changes in my mental state."

"And are there any…?" 

L rocked back and forth on his perch, his brows drawing tight as he worried at his thumbnail. "Watari seems to think I'm a bit more agitated and snappish than usual. Mostly I feel… a bit irritated that I don't have my—I mean _Rem's_ book here to study. I feel this way even though sending it away was my idea and it's completely illogical." 

_All that power at your fingertips…_

L suddenly locked eyes with Light's father giving him his patented unnerving stare. "Mr. Yagami I—I understand now. I understand how easy it was to become… _that._ Please don't be too hard on him." 

Mr. Yagami regarded the great detective with some concern. "Ryuuzaki, please give it up soon. The last thing we need is another…"

"I know. I will, I promise." 

Souichiro sighed and wiped imaginary dirt from his glasses. "I still can't believe… Light _did_ those things. I'll never be able to look at him again without..."

"Which brings me to my next point… Mr. Yagami. I have… a favor to ask you."

***

L had just managed to escape from Mr. Yagami when his luck ran out. While the socially awkward man was loping his way back inside the hospital he ran right into Watari. The detective froze in fear when he saw what Watari was holding. L could've sworn he heard the sound of his gulping echo down the corridors, even over the din of the normal hospital noises. 

"You didn't think I'd forgotten, did you?" 

Thought he did? No. L only _really hoped_ he did. 

Sadly, it seemed Watari was unimpressed by his pupil’s command of vulgar slang in twenty seven different languages. 

***

Meanwhile Light was still handcuffed to the hospital bed, brow creased with worry that his father was off killing his boyfrie— _Ryuuzaki._

Light startled as the rather grizzled looking doctor limped on into his hospital room; his cane loudly tapping against the floor tiles with each step he took. The doctor immediately locked eyes with him, giving him the kind of probing stare that Light had previously thought only L had mastered before he announced without preamble "You, good sir, have an eating disorder." 

_"What?!"_ Light exploded—momentarily forgetting about both the handcuff and his wounded hand—his flailing came to an abrupt halt as soon as it began and Light hissed with pain. Once he got a hold of himself, Light tried again in a loftier, more dignified tone "What are you talking about? I always eat healthy!" 

The doctor eyed him critically and asked "Do you exercise frequently?"

"Of course!"

The doctor sighed and leaned casually against his cane. "Yes, you eat healthy but you don’t eat enough. The diagnosis--anorexia nerviosa."

"I-I thought that only happened to girls," Light said, an almost pleading note entering his voice. 

The doctor gave him another searching stare above his spectacles. "It's rarer in males but it _does_ happen." 

A bead of sweat trickled down Light’s temple as he watched the doctor pop an unspecified number of painkillers. The grizzled doctor's cavalier attitude towards his own health kind of reminded Light of Ryuuzaki—so did the deep circles under his eyes. It also looked like he had forgotten to shave this morning. That on its own didn't exactly inspire confidence especially when said doctor was informing him he had a _disorder_ , a disorder which he considered to be a "girl's problem." 

"But really that's the least of your problems. You see I had to work backwards to get to this diagnosis. Your anorexia explains the vitamin deficiency which I discovered is exasperating a congenital heart defect…"

Listening at the door, L's blood ran cold when he overheard what the doctor had to say to Light. That's when L was forced to agree with the Shinigami's assessment—Light Yagami was the luckiest human to ever be cursed with misfortune. 

Light sat stock still in his tangle of blankets, horror and disbelief clearly etched across his face as that information began to sink in. 

The doctor continued speaking mercilessly as he showed him the charts "I reviewed your past charts. Everything looked normal before. We only detected it now because you were being an idiot."

 _That_ snapped Light out of his horror-induced stupor. _"Excuse me?!"_

"You were recently starving yourself and then you got yourself stabbed. I call that being an idiot. I must say you are one lucky bastard though I don't know if I'd want your kind of luck—you’re lucky we caught this now because there's still a chance to fix it. Without a heart transplant you're looking at heart failure in the near future." The doctor handed him that damning chart. Light let it fall in his lap.

This shocking announcement came to him while he was still floating above it all thanks to the painkillers. Light reasoned that was why he was feeling so numb about what should have been quite shocking news.

Well at least this way he kept his dignity and hadn’t started bawling about it. But then the doctor was saying he wasn’t going to die right away—Light supposed then that he still had plenty of time to work up to screaming and crying. Joy. 

_Die?_

_I'm going to die?_

_That's what he's saying—_

Light wasn't sure when he began acting under the assumption that he was immortal but he was sorely regretting it now. He was going to die before he could even really begin his life. Without having accomplished anything of significance! 

The teen slowly looked up to lock eyes with the doctor again—it was a very controlled motion that betrayed none of the terror that he was currently feeling. "How long?" 

"It could be anywhere from a few months to a few years… Though I'm sorry to say but even if you were to get a heart transplant unless you change your eating habits you'll be dead soon anyway." 

As L attempted to process this unsettling new piece of information in his usual detached manner he couldn't help but wonder if perhaps that's why Ryuk attached himself to Light in the first place. The Shinigami seemed to get easily bored. If the creature had somehow known Light wasn't long for this world than hanging around with him would have been no big commitment. L had taken to looking more ashen than usual while he pondered such questions as had Light's lifespan changed because of their actions or was Light still fated to break his neck in the shower or something in only a few years? But then they always had that hanging over their heads—even without the interference of Shinigami they could die tomorrow. Oh well, " _Carpe diem_ " that was L's motto (well actually it was more like " _Carpe saccharum_ " but after being on the receiving end of The Punishment he didn't dare even think about sweets at the moment...) and for that reason L was determined to make the most of his time with Light and make sure that the other boy at least had some fun in the next few years. 

L loudly cleared his throat. When he had everyone's attention, he sauntered on over and went over the charts that both the doctor and Light had studied extensively and he, like Light, could find no flaw in the doctor's reasoning. Upon coming to that conclusion the great detective decisively reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out the L-credit card (it was strawberry pink like his L-mobile and had a black gothic letter L on it) and his cell phone and then he insisted that he and the doctor have a "discussion" with the committee in charge of that donor list. By the time they returned Light was sure that L must have thrown around a great deal of his monetary and political capital in order to get him on top of the donor list. How else would he be having a heart transplant _tomorrow?_ Light tried to protest because surely there were others who had greater need than he did but L would have none of it. 

Not-so-secretly Light was relieved. For one thing this surely meant that he wasn't Kira—if he really did do those things than he deserved to die (not that Light _wanted_ to die but if he was Kira than it was nothing less than he deserved and the idealistic teen valued justice even over his own life.) Light was sure that L agreed—after all, he promised to see Kira executed. Surely L would never fight this hard to save Kira. Still Light felt guilty—he didn't want to die but it was damned selfish of him to benefit in such a manner. But there were so many things he hadn't done yet—such as making the world a better place, making his father proud, doing something that mattered, (and L... He would very much like to do L...) 

Light felt his face heating up as he tried to dispel certain inappropriate thoughts and resume listening to the doctor's and L's conversation in a detached manner. L was negotiating with the doctor and key contacts to make sure Light got the very best care available and Light couldn't help but wonder why L was doing all this for him.

Perhaps L felt guilty for wrongly accusing him all this time? Light winced again with that illogical feeling of guilt. He wished he could get a moment alone with L because he wanted to tell him that he forgave him—he really did. Having nothing else to do and no choice but to stay in bed Light had kept himself occupied by going over and over the known facts of the Kira case but all he gained from such ponderings was an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach as he was forced to conclude that were he in L's position even he would have suspected him. But Light knew he wasn't Kira—he couldn't be. That was impossible! Light didn't even think he was capable of killing anyone; no matter how evil or unpleasant that person might be. He thought long and hard about it and no, even if he was in danger, even if it was self-defense he doubted he could do it. He had tried to imagine himself wrapping his hands around his attacker's throat and choking the life out of that idiot girl who stabbed him—and threw up in his mouth a little bit. That settled it. He was no murderer. He couldn't do it—not even to someone who undeniably deserved it and not even in his imagination. There was no way he could possibly be Kira! But even if L felt guilty wasn't this was kind of extreme? This level of care and devotion—Light just didn't feel… _worthy_ of this.

There was no way that Light could know how far L had already gone to save his life—he saved him from the clutches of the Shinigami—he wasn’t about to lose him now! And so L had played hardball with the entire medical system to make sure Light would be cared for. L had found an ally in Light's doctor who, though very grouchy and insulting, was (the great detective L had to grudgingly admit) very perceptive. L had covered a laugh with a cough when something Light said set him off calling him a spoiled brat and stuck up daddy's boy who thought he was God's gift to mankind… only to frown when the doctor had then turned his wrath on him, warning Light that his "boyfriend" was a spoiled manchild who was never denied anything he ever wanted and was used to having others take care of his every whim—so really, they deserved each other… Well, nice to know he had the blessing of a random stranger. If only his talks with Watari and Mr. Yagami could have been so painless. It was a good thing Mr. Yagami had ultimately agreed with his plan. He hoped Light would too. Though he was very careful all it would take was one of L's many enemies noticing what L did here, and for who, and that would make Light a target. 

The detective's troubled thoughts were broken when the doctor addressed him again after he finished (again) scolding Light. 

"Make sure he eats right!" 

Light groaned. "I'm doomed." Surely if he were to leave his diet in the hands of L he could add "diabetes" to his growing list of medical problems. 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," L replied with a huff of indignation but still made himself at home, crouching next to him on the hospital bed. 

Light stared without thinking about it, again drinking in the other man's exotic looks—the dark locks and pale skin, the careful, almost delicate way he moved even when doing something as simple as crouching on a bed. 

_There's something different about him…_

Light soon realized what it was. "Ryuuzaki… are you wearing _socks?!_ " 

Sure enough the nominally barefoot detective was wearing warm, fluffy, fuzzy socks that were striped a vibrant red and white like a candy cane. 

L scowled. Well, it looked like he needn’t have worried so much about losing his beloved Kira bastard. Here he was already suffering the effects of The Punishment—there was no need for Light to rub it in like that! 

"Is something wrong?" Light naively asked when he saw that the detective was obviously distressed. 

Perhaps he was being unfair. How did he expect Light to know about his crippling phobia of socks? It was a phobia L was careful to hide ever since Watari discovered it—and was all too happy to capitalize on it when disciplining the unruly detective. Sure Light was a genius and L expected other genii to just figure everything out but then Light wasn't _him_ and perhaps he hadn't given him enough information to make the deduction. In fact L had been careful to make sure that his Kira suspect knew very little about him—especially his fears. Though perhaps it was better this way—if Light _were_ to make that deduction… 

_If he laughs, I will kick him—swear to Death Gods._

"I don't want to talk about it," the detective grumbled and Light knew he had definitely done something that was taboo to the odd customs of the odd detective.

"I'm sorry, really… I didn't mean to—Ryuuzaki I…" Light averted his gaze and murmured. "I don't understand why you'd do that for me." Light didn't want to _think_ of the money involved, how much the operation was going to cost, let alone how much L bribed the appropriate parties to get Light's name on top of the donor list. 

"Why shouldn't I do this for you? I like Light-kun very much. It would make me very sad to see him dead." 

"But I could never repay you—" 

"You saved my life, remember?" L pointed out. "I found it appropriate to return the favor. If it makes you feel better you can think of it as an investment." 

"An investment?" Light asked, his eyes were confused and bright with not a trace of the calculating slyness that L already missed. 

"Forgive me I've already discussed this with your father at great length…" 

***

"Which brings me to my next point—Mr. Yagami… I have a favor to ask you." L had asked Light's father as the two of them loitered in front of the hospital. They watched as a patient was discharged to be reunited with their family. "I propose that Light should remain in my custody."

"But he's not… he's not a danger now!" 

"That's exactly my point. Without the notebook he is a completely different person. Of course he still has the potential to become a murderer again but then so do all humans. Luckily he's buying our story for now but if he remains here he will have time to think. He'll catch on to the fact that you're treating him differently. Alas Light is just too smart for his own good. Unless we take steps he is likely to figure it all out on his own." 

"But… is that such a bad thing?" 

L stared at the chief blandly. "Yes that is a very bad thing. I cannot stress this enough—he must _never know._ Think about it—what would you do if you suddenly learned you were a mass murderer? Light as he is now, with an innocent mind—I imagine if he ever found out he will kill himself." 

The sharp intake of breath from the man next to him indicated to L that he was successful in getting his point across. 

"But don't worry—I have a plan."

Light's father listened with growing unease as L told him the plan. 

"But… but what if he says no?"

"Then we'll just have to figure out something else. But I don't think he will."

"What if he figures out what you’re doing?!"

"Then I'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it; but for now do I have your blessing?" 

***

"…Your father agreed to my proposal but ultimately it’s up to you…" L fidgeted uncomfortably, scant inches away Light was staring at him with an intensity that L only thought he had mastered, hanging on his every word. "When you recover…"

"…You mean _if I recover._ I heard the doctor. The operation is very risky—there's no need to sugarcoat it." 

L flinched and Light immediately realized he had made a very poor choice of words. 

"…Sorry."

" _When_ you recover" L continued as if he had never been interrupted, "I'd like you to work for me…" Light gasped but L wasn't done "…and eventually _with me_ as my partner." 

"You're joking."

"I assure you, Light-kun, I am quite serious."

"Y-you really mean…"

"Of course, Light-kun—we complement each other quite well. You’re a very talented detective and I believe you to already be my equal. That alone would be enough to ask. Together we could solve cases at least twice as fast. Though I admit I do have a more selfish motive—I would very much like to continue with some of those socializations. I find I'm rather fond of touching you, of kissing you… I'd like to do more… But… either way the job offer still stands even if—"

"Me too," Light interjected. "I… I like touching you too. I'd love to…" the brunette said in a hushed tone, though the teen's hooded eyes spoke volumes. 

"Good. We're in agreement then," the detective gave his best dopey smile "Besides from the sound of things we can help each other out—you can help me with my… _slight_ sweet problem and I can help you with your anorexia."

Light frowned and mumbled something that sounded like " _Stupid doctor. I know what I'm doing! Dammit, I'm not gaining weight! I'd sooner die!_ " And L determined that Light was still a bit loopy from the painkillers—L made a mental note to give Light his proposition again later just to be sure this was what Light really wanted. 

L sighed. "You always go to extremes, don't you?" L said disparagingly at the teen's ranting. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

_Anorexia—the lengths he goes to to appear perfect..._ L supposed it was up to him now to show Light that he didn't have to appear perfect all the time just to be liked.

"Nothing, Light-kun. You should rest now." L said as he gently squeezed and stroked his shoulder. Light sighed contentedly and sunk down into the fluffy pillows. His body was relaxed but his mind was anything but.

How ironic. He was meant to die of a heart attack—just like Kira’s victims. When Light voiced his thoughts L was quick to assure him it had nothing to do with Kira—Kira was caught after all—and that it was just rotten luck. Light didn’t know what he’d done to deserve such rotten luck. He must have been a horrible person in a past life. Light decided that thought didn’t bare dwelling on. 

Light brought himself out of his self-absorbed musing to notice that L was staring at him again. 

"Hey… What’s wrong?"

"Nothing, Light-kun. I was just thinking how lucky you are."

"What do you mean Ryuuzaki?" Light asked in puzzlement when it hit him. He _was_ lucky. He was alive now and thanks to L he had a chance to _keep living_ —that was a sight more than he had before and now he had a future to fight for—and he _would!_ He had to live; he _had to_ survive because L was waiting for him. 

But then why did L say it in such a maudlin tone? 

"What's the matter, Ryuuzaki? Do you think you're not?" 

L slumped further where he slouched. Dammit, how was it Light could read him so well? 

He had to be very careful or living with him would present the same problem as Light living with his family. L only grunted to indicate the conversation was over but Light refused to take the hint and kept talking. 

"Hey, cheer up, will you? I'm sure if you stick around me long enough and you’re sure to get lucky soon!" 

"I don't know if I'd want your luck," L murmured, but brightened up considerably when the socially awkward genius finally caught on. "I'm going to get lucky, is that what you're saying?" 

"Yes!"

L frowned. "The pain medication _is_ making you loopy." 

Light blushed an adorable shade of pink as he insisted. "I meant it." 

Light scowled as L ruffled his hair in a placating manner. 

"Go to sleep, Light."

Light smiled and went to sleep, taking comfort in the other man’s presence—yet as he closed his eyes he still couldn’t shake that inexplicable feeling that he as forgetting something.


	11. Epilogue - Part 1 A Slice of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The epilogue kind of got away from me here so I decided to break it up into two chapters because (OCD-mode ACTIVATE) really, an eleven chapter fic is just so uneven!_

Light's eyes slowly fluttered open as he felt the comfortable warmth of the golden rays of his namesake against his skin. It was sunlight through a window—that was so unlike the harsh, sterile florescent lights of their usual abodes that it took him a moment to remember where they were. 

L preferred bunkers, safe houses, and tall high rise buildings away from people and he typically stayed away from anything with a window unless it was on very tall buildings with no neighboring skyscrapers—like this particular hotel room—and even then the detective would typically only risk looking at the outside world in the dark of night.

Light smiled against the skin of his lover’s bare shoulder. Naturally he knew L had quirks, and was a paranoid neurotic, going into the relationship. He also knew from personal experience that this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. On the whole he found his partner’s phobias to be very practical and justified—after all, one of the most influential people on the planet would live in fear of snipers. Though L's true appearance was known to only a few people even a few people knowing could be dangerous. Light also knew this by personal experience—there was that one time a couple of years ago while acting as a liaison on "Deneve's" behalf a man had tried to murder him—all because someone had let slip that Light Yagami was once accused of being Kira. Light supposed he probably had that idiot Matsuda to thank for that and, if he wanted to get technical, L as well for accusing him in the first place. But try as he might he couldn’t really stay mad at L—for one thing whenever Light got mad at L the manipulative detective would give him that cute and innocent look that would ultimately result in them spending a day and a half in bed together. And to be fair it _was_ L's training that had saved him that time. Light figured he was mature enough to put it all into perspective—he owned L his life, several times over. There wasn't a doubt in his mind—without L he wouldn't be alive today. 

And everyone makes mistakes, even great detectives. Of course Light hadn't been happy to be accused of being Kira but he knew that without the Kira case he would have never have gotten to meet L and Light knew he would never trade that for the world. And when he was _working with L_ —that was absolutely _amazing_ —Light really felt like he was making a difference and though the work was often stressful at least it was never boring. 

Yes, everything was as it should be. 

The lithe brunette stretched languidly in bed, reawakening tired and aching muscles as he pondered the significance of the position of the sun outside—it was already mid-morning and it seemed they were having a bit of a lie in. L was still curled up against him, his slow, deep breaths ghosting against his cheek. Despite his partner's stirrings the insomniac detective showed no signs of waking. Light chuckled to himself. He liked to think that he had taught the insomniac detective about the value of a good night’s sleep though he knew this wasn't the case. 

_No doubt he's still worn out from last night._ Light thought smugly. In all the years that he'd known the great detective, Light had discovered only _one thing_ that could make the chronic insomniac sleep so soundly. 

Light propped himself up by one arm and took a moment or two to just stare at the other man. 

_L... You're so damned cute!_

The black raven's nest of L's hair was even messier than usual. Light's OCD kicked in with the compulsion to reach out and touch the aforementioned "cute" man's hair—Light tried to gently detangle the detective's bed head back to its usual spiky mane of ordered chaos. 

L finally stirred out of his catatonic state when his lover kissed him lightly on the forehead. 

"Hey, wake up sleepy head. We have that meeting today." 

L groaned and snuggled back against Light's chest as if it was a pillow. "Do we have to?"

Light giggled again as the world's greatest detective took to whining petulantly before he patiently reminded him. "It was your idea, L." 

L began to grumble again but Light successfully shut him up by attacking him playfully. 

"Not that this isn’t enjoyable but I thought you said we have to get up...?" L hummed in amusement in between bouts of face-mashing. 

"Well... If we're quick… I mean I took this eventuality into account when drafting the schedule..." 

"So you're saying that really, I _could_ still be still sleeping right now." L flopped back down dramatically onto the mattress.

" _Would_ you rather be sleeping?" Light pouted.

"No," L admitted before pulling Light down on top of him, kissing him again ravenously.

It was not long before Light was pulling him eagerly into the shower. Their hot, wet bodies pressed together as the shower beat down on them like a tropical rainstorm. 

"Turn around," Light commanded. 

"I'm afraid I'm still a bit sore from last night..." 

"...So I can do your hair." 

"Oh," he said, a note of disappointment creeping into his voice. L keened softly as his partner gently touched him. This was so sensual it was almost worth getting Light's conditioner rubbed into his murky matted mane. L turned around again when he was finished and forcefully pressed their swollen erections together. Light eagerly thrust back against him, enjoying that divine heat and friction as they stroked and thrust against each other. L moaned deep in his throat as he rubbed against the familiar scar on his lover's right hand. They both came within a few seconds of each other into their intertwined hands. 

After they cleaned up and leaned on each other for support as they made their way to get dressed and have breakfast. As tempting as it was to crash again they did have a full schedule for today—but both were in desperate need of coffee, or tea, _or both_ —as long as it had caffeine in it. Oddly, their doctor had yet to yell at them about that. Perhaps he thought they were a lost cause. 

L grumbled again as Light helped him into a loose white dress shirt and black dress pants a couple of sizes too big (the detective wasn't comfortable in tight fitting clothes seeing as he had slight nerve damage in his legs—sitting in front of a computer all day didn't come without its toll) and brushed the tangles out of his wild and matted black hair and pulled it back into a neat pony tail. Of course the world's three greatest detectives was perfectly capable of dressing himself—he was just being petulant as usual. 

"This was your idea, too," Light reminded his irritable partner. "Remember last time? You said you'd do 'whatever it takes.'" 

"Do me a favor," L groaned as he sagged against Light as he suffered through this very unnecessary makeover. "Stop me from having ideas."

Out of consideration for his poor slob of a life-partner Light purposely left the top button undone—L absolutely refused to wear a tie—sure he let Light dress him up for this but still, he had his standards. The overall effect had L looking very rakish and "Very sexy," Light said aloud before he could stop himself. The detective once again sent his partner his trademarked probing stare and noticed how the younger man was practically _drooling._

"What's the point in dressing me in this ridiculous outfit if you’re just going to rip it off me again immediately?" L asked wryly. 

Light punched him lightly in the arm. L gave a superior smirk that he could still make Light get all flustered. In response Light merely folded his arms across his chest, arched a fine eyebrow giving L his own patented look of mock disdain and pretended L hadn't just gotten a rise out of him. "I'm not that quick! And even if that was physically possible you do realize _we don't have enough time!_ " 

L sighed. Light was such a worrier. It was an intrinsic, and annoying, personality trait but L kept hoping he would one day learn to loosen up a bit; though the senior detective didn't hold out much hope of that after five years. Yet he still didn't seem to grasp that as the acting Ls the party didn't start until they arrived. They didn't _have_ to be punctual—they were _important_ —they could make people wait _for them_. L was sure that _Kira_ would have understood that—what with the God complex and an ego the size of a planet. Light, however, did not. 

It was one of the myriad ways in which he and Light clashed. Even though they almost always, inevitably, came to the same conclusions they had very different modes of getting there. Though L too was a hopeless workaholic he found he was actually the more laidback of the pair—he had been trained to dispassionately analyze information with the efficiency of a human computer. Light however, while stoical, lacked L's level of emotional detachment. Of course back when he was Kira, Light had by necessity become a bit desensitized to human misery but this was no longer true. Light had regressed with the destruction of the notebook and even after five years of tackling some of the most difficult cases and working against some of the most depraved individuals humanity had to offer had failed to destroy his boundless optimism—though L knew that at times their chosen profession was very difficult for him with his high ideals. Light committed himself to every case. He rejoiced in their victories and he took failure _hard_. He never lost that rookie-like zeal that he could save everyone if he _just tried hard enough_. In L's humble opinion Light always took on too much and set himself up to fail but when the inevitable happened L was always there to comfort him. 

L was almost disappointed that he didn't have to work very hard at keeping Light occupied so he wouldn’t think too hard about the inconsistencies in his own sordid past—the young idealist did it to himself—Light had discovered L's slush pile of "uninteresting cases" that L ignored and had actually scolded him for it. L had simply told him he preferred to concentrate on the most difficult and challenging ones—it's not like the police couldn't handle the "simple cases" in the slush pile, to which his partner had retorted that obviously they couldn't if they were requesting L's assistance. L had watched, bemused, as his new partner began tackling them all himself—regardless of level of difficulty or potential pay-off, even doing a lot of pro bono work, and making so much tedious work for himself. L let him have them—it's not like he was going to bother with them anyway. With a practiced hand Light began separating innocent and guilty with all the efficiency of his forgotten alter ego. Solving the cases was the easy part. Getting the charges to stick was much harder but using the name of L did help speed the process along. 

L sighed as they sat down at the breakfast table and Watari placed the now typical bowl of plain oatmeal in front of him and across from him Light eyed his own breakfast warily. The old man had really gone all out—in addition to Light's usual rainbow of pills he had to take which he dutifully began to swallow (which included zinc supplements to help him maintain a healthy weight and the heart medications which he would be on for the rest of his life) his plate was piled high with eggs, sausage, bacon, and strawberry French toast with powdered sugar sprinkled all over it. Light didn’t expect he’d be able to get through half of it. L was half-tempted to reach over the table and snort the sweetener off of Light's toast like it was cocaine. Or better yet just inject it into his veins. 

"I'm getting fat," Light whined out loud, eying his breakfast with distaste—as per their morning ritual.

L rolled his large black eyes at his lover's usual complaint. "You're _not_ getting fat. Light-kun looks as sexy as ever." 

"Why the hell does he always give me so much?!"

"Hmmm... I suspect it's because he expects me to steal scraps from your plate..." 

"It's like he doesn't trust us!" Light declared with self-righteous indignation. 

"...Like we usually do." L said, desperation making him be completely unsubtle about his cravings as he again eyed the tantalizing sight of powdered sugar on Light's French toast.

"You know, I have a better idea..." Light said while wearing a devious smirk L hadn't seen in years. L grinned in turn; he had been thinking the _exact_ same thing. 

They reached across the table and traded each other's meals. 

L wasted no time in plucking a sugary, syrupy strawberry off the top of the French toast and popping it in his mouth. 

"Now this is more like it!" Light said, cackling evilly as he rubbed his hands together in wicked glee. L had never seen Light get so excited over food unless it was barbequed potato chips that somehow allowed him to get away with murder. 

However before either of them could truly enjoy the spoils of their oh-so-brilliant scheming Watari made a point to walk by and gave them both a stern glare. Reluctantly, they traded back. 

"You know, Light. That was hardly the most brilliant plan you ever came up with." L sighed (deciding to ignore the fact that it had been his idea too.) L silently lamented the loss of Light's deviousness and couldn’t help but wonder if Kira might not have come up with something cleverer.

"Shut up and eat your oatmeal," Light grumbled bitterly as he began eating his too-sweet breakfast. 

L reached across the table, snagging Light by his cherry-colored tie so he could smash their mouths together. A classic tactic—but sometimes the classics were the best.


	12. Epilogue - Part 2 Sugarcoat

As usual, L and Light went through the whole tedious process—they got their visitor's badges and hand stamps at the reception desk that declared they were both, indeed, sane; and as usual that allegation didn't go uncontested. Despite their careful preparations, the secretary still took one look at Ryuuzaki and assumed he was an in-patient. That was what prompted this whole ridiculousness of L letting Light dress him up like a Ken doll in the first place. Deathgods, what more did these people want from him?! He was wearing a shirt with _buttons!_ And Light had even gone so far as to restrain his poor hair into an almost _neat_ pony tail.

They had been hoping to avoid this but as usual they both had to patiently explain that the pale, sallow faced, sickly looking man was not insane but merely a quirky genius. It helped that Light, being a master of the social codes that L never bothered to learn and looking very smart and professional in a dark three-piece suit, seemed to lend him some credibility by standing next to him. In the end they did get the "sane" stamp of approval; even if that stupid secretary still found their claims to be "highly suspect."

"The _idiot,_ " Light hissed when they were out of earshot. It always rankled him when people exposed their inherent hypocrisy like that and judged his lover based solely on his appearance—it wasn't fair. Light knew he was probably just as _unbalanced_ as L was if not more so—he just hid it better. He still occasionally got post traumatic nightmares of his attack. He still had self-image problems. L and Watari had to _force_ him to eat three square meals a day. Oh and he still had a few trust issues from the whole "being-accused-of-being-a-mass-murderer" thing. Regardless of what the TV suggests about mental health issues these things don't just go away because you want them to. It had taken Light much longer than it should have to accept that having these thoughts and feelings didn't make him weak. 

L smiled at Light's outburst on his behalf and squeezed his hand, reminding him that they were in this together and together they would persevere. 

The pair walked down a narrow hallway, lit only by the obnoxiously flickering florescent lights which drew attention to the chipped and ugly lime green paint of the walls. Light remembered reading somewhere that so many institutions were painting this ugly color of green because it supposedly had a calming effect on the prisoners. He couldn't really understand why—it was _really_ ugly. 

A waiting guard stopped them at the check-point before the large gate: "We need you both to turn in all loose items"

It seemed that the hospital had stepped up security after that incident with Nori's nosering. L supposed it just went to show what a good friend Nori is that she continued to visit regularly after something like that. Sometimes people were forgiven whether they deserved it or not. Not that L minded that all the time—he would have missed out on so much if he had carried out his vow to have Kira executed. 

Light dropped his watch and his keys into the tray. L did likewise, smirking suspiciously as he dropped a pair of handcuffs he had somehow stuffed into one of his pants pockets into the tray. Light was quick to assure the inquisitive guard that his companion, "Mr. Lucius" as he was calling himself today, was a detective and the handcuffs were for work and L gleefully added to that, loudly assuring all present that _of course_ he didn't use those handcuffs in bondage games on Light—oh no, for that he used the _fuzzy ones_ he wouldn't want to hurt Light-kun's delicate wrists. The brunette simply rolled his eyes, well used to the strange detective's antics—Light had long ago determined that L felt he was contractually obligated to humiliate him at least once every time they went out in public. The guard merely gave them both an odd look before stoically checking them in here so they could proceed further into the institution.

Light would never understand why L was so obsessed about using aliases that were variants on his name. It was one of many secrets L would never tell him—that L won his aliases, taking them from his vanquished rivals. Kira was by far the greatest challenge he faced in his life, so naturally he would be the crown jewel of his collection but L couldn't exactly take to calling himself "Kira" or "Light Yagami" especially since the latter was still living (well he did call himself "Light Yagami" that one time on a solo mission but Light had been insufferably smug when he found out.) When they went together like this L had taken to calling himself names like Hikaru, or Kou, or Lior, or Lucien, or Lux, or Nur, or Roshan, or Zhao or some 42 other names meaning "light." Light himself had no problem with L using his name—he was flattered if anything—and had half-jokingly asked if L was ready to take the next step and become "Mrs. L Yagami."

Light and L found what they came here for in a room that kind of reminded Light of the art classroom at his old high school—he never took the class himself seeing he had been much too busy studying "serious" stuff to make his father proud but he had been inside it once or twice and this room had the same feel, though instead of the happy paintings of trees or realistic charcoal sketches of someone's face he remembered from his high school, the walls and shelves here were lined with macabre and lunatic paintings and twisted, chimerical sculptures that looked like they had been designed by well, _madmen._ Some of the inmates abruptly paused in their painting at the sight of the pair and one in particular stood up abruptly, her stool clattering loudly to the floor. 

_"Liiiiight-kun!!!"_

Light braced himself for the abrasive blonde's customary greeting—the girl squealed in delight, fighting off orderlies so that she could latch onto his arm with the persistence of a leech. "I'm so glad you came!"

Misa Amane had been in and out of institutions ever since her break down five years ago. Such a breakdown would've been a career-ender for most stars, but oddly the girl's mental health problems only seemed to add to her popularity as an idol, entertainer, and public figure. Light suspected that L had something to do with it. As odd as it sounded they had struck up an odd sort of friendship with the troubled girl who had attempted to murder them. Her erotomania had gotten a bit better—at least Misa had come to accept the fact that Light did not nor would he ever love her and at least knew, logically, that it was unreasonable to expect him to. (Of course _emotionally_ was a different matter entirely.) Light and L were hardly the celebrity's only visitors but they were by far her favorite visitors. As long as they visited regularly she seemed to stabilize and made suicide attempts less frequently so they made a point to visit at least once a month.

"Ryuuzaki." Misa added far less enthusiastically upon deigning to notice that as per usual her Light-kun hadn't come in to visit her alone. Misa would never understand what her Light-kun saw in someone like Ryuuzaki. 

At one point in Misa's attempts to ensnare her soul mate she had even gone so far as to dress up like Ryuuzaki—she dyed her hair black, gone barefoot, and worn simple baggy clothes just like Ryuuzaki did—but all that had succeeded in doing was creeping them both out so much that they didn't return for _two whole years._ Though surprisingly, her stunt had had more of an effect on Ryuuzaki than it did on Light. Up until that point Misa didn't think _anything_ could faze the man because Ryuuzaki was like a robot: a perverted, candy-stealing robot. Though it utterly failed to seduce Light, Misa had kept the slightly disheveled look. She let her hair down and had taken to wearing baggy jeans and comfortable black t-shirts. It wasn't like she was _working_ at the moment and it had the extra bonus of annoying Ryuuzaki to no end. Really, it was a more fashion appropriate look for in here anyway, especially since some of the other inmates were total _perverts_ —she'd save the Loli Goth for her boyfriend. She dyed her hair blonde again though—even in here she was still a diva, she did have standards, and the idol found black hair to be so _pedestrian._

"Hello, Misa-chan. You're looking well," the man Misa regarded as her nemesis said pleasantly. 

"Oh, thank you, Ryuuzaki!" Misa chirped politely—she had learned long ago that fighting with Ryuuzaki upset Light-kun. 

Light and L gave their practiced polite smiles as they sat down with Misa. The blonde chatted inanely and showed them her art and they patiently endured yet another round of _"I'm so sorry"s._

Misa sighed wistfully as she observed Light and Ryuuzaki's intertwined fingers

"Light, I am so sorry I hurt you. Please know I'll support you no matter what." 

"I know. I forgive you." 

Misa immediately perked up "If you can forgive me, I'd gladly have your babies!"

***

Misa had been making progress—enough progress anyway that Rem was satisfied and L could finally relinquish ownership of that damned book. After relinquishing his memories L had Watari show him the self-destructing tape he had made for himself along with the report he drafted up on the Kira incident: 

_"In order to keep Kira caged you must keep him distracted,"_ L had warned himself via video message. _"Light was Kira as you suspected all along but by now you will have forgotten how. Watari knows and so does the taskforce. Be kind to him—he was warped by malevolent forces beyond human comprehension. He needs monitoring but Kira is NOT his natural state. He loves and admires you and he has no idea what he was. He can never know. **Try** not to be a complete bastard to him..."_

L deleted all the data he had accumulated on Kira afterwards. He had all the facts committed to memory and it would be foolish to leave such skeletons lying around for Light to uncover (or anyone else for that matter). 

***

Light and L were far from being Misa's only visitors or even her most frequent visitors—that honor most likely went to Nori, Misa's old roommate, the maroon-haired punk was now the lead guitarist of the new popular J-rock band "Karasu." She remained Misa's friend even after Misa framed her for murder and even after the nosering incident. Really, that girl should be nominated for sainthood.

There was also Yamamoto, who the pair ran into on the way out after they had extricated themselves again from Misa's clutches. Yamamoto was a former classmate's of Light's and one of the only people aside from his family that Light still kept in contact with from his "old life." 

Recently Misa and Yamamoto had become close and L had his fingers crossed even though Misa initially began dating Yamamoto just in a pathetic attempt to make Light jealous. It was very pathetic because not only was her ploy _painfully_ obvious but for her plan to work it required Light wanting her in the first place thus it was quite doomed from the start. It was kind of sad how Misa had convinced herself that Light was in love with her. 

Yamamoto however genuinely cared about Misa and merely thought he was the luckiest man alive that a sexy celebrity would ever deign to date him. L was certain from his careful observations that Misa was beginning to care about the awkward, nerdy boy too. He hoped so. It would be very convenient if Misa would just transfer her obsession to Yamamoto and thus she would no longer be their problem. 

"Careful," L warned the poor hapless boy who may well be treading into the lair of the praying mantis "She's in one of her low moods today." 

Yamamoto merely nodded and resumed arguing with the guards over the level of danger his bouquet of flowers presented.

Yamamoto had met Misa through the two of them—the lanky, bespectacled man was a big fan of Misa's work—that is her singing, acting, and underwear modeling work, not her murders. He, like the rest of the world would never know of Misa's involvement in the Kira case. All he would know was that Misa had a mental breakdown after the death of her parents that culminated in her assault on Light but Light being the stand up guy that he is had felt sorry for her and had forgiven her. That last part was actually true now that Light was no longer being corrupted by a demonic notebook and no longer remembered his crimes though L noted that at times Light could be a bit bitchy about it.

"Agh! She's nuttier than a squirrel!" Light exclaimed dramatically once they were once again free from the clingy blonde. 

The edges of L's mouth tugged upwards in amusement. "A squirrel, huh?" 

"Well…you know…" Light coughed slightly to cover his embarrassment and aggravation that was Misa was getting to him. 

"No, I can see how that's an appropriate descriptor—small, hyper, squeaky, and chitters your ear off." 

Light laughed. "Yeah, wait on second thought maybe she's more like a Shinigami."

L froze in horror. "A Shinigami?" He prodded, keeping his face carefully blank. 

"Yeah, you know, like Grell from _Black Butler._ The psycho-obsessive who's all _'I wanna have your babies!'_ " 

L visibly relaxed. They had watched the anime recently when Watari had reminded them both about working too hard and the detrimental effects it had on their health. 

"Oh yes, I remember that show. Though as I recall Grell is biologically male so that's biologically impossible. You however could take Misa up on her offer" 

Light shuddered in disgust. The idea of having kids was horrifying, let alone with _Misa._

"Yeah, I think I'll leave that to Yamamoto..."

Light's repulsed response earned a rare chuckle from the stoical detective. 

As the two turned to leave, the hospital guard came running after them, or rather, after Light. 

"Sir? Your watch?"

"Oh right!" Light Yagami accepted back the innocuous looking silver timepiece and strapped it to his wrist. "I can't believe I almost forgot that!" 

L could. 

It was, after all, his father's watch. 

L knew that Light loved his father but there had always been a degree of distance in their relationship and after Light had moved in with L they barely spoke anymore. Light assumed it was just because his father was uncomfortable with the fact that his only son was gay and no one who was in the know bothered to correct him. While that was indeed part of it Light could never know the real reason that his father was uncomfortable in his presence. And even though they had all agreed (true or not) that Light was possessed and not in control of his actions; the knowledge that his son was the one committing the murders was a heavy burden for the man. L ultimately had to convince Chief Yagami that he shouldn't resign from the NPA because to do so would arouse too many suspicions.

L followed the trail of his lover's long-lashed amber eyes to where they gazed nostalgically at the simple watch on his wrist. L knew that Light did not and could not understand his father's reaction. No doubt just looking at the thing evoked bittersweet and painful memories. 

L's face brightened with a rarely seen mischievous grin. Perhaps he could convince Light to replace it with one he gifted him? It was a thought worth exploring and at least now he knew what to get Light for his birthday. 

***

As they walked down the street to Watari's predetermined pick-up point L paused for a moment to gaze forlornly at the local bakery. Watari had him blacklisted. He was banned from all candy shops and bakeries for life. 

L turned to Light, giving him his most pitiful look. 

Light rolled his eyes. "Alright, I'll do it for you! Just stop looking at me like that!" L brightened immediately and gave the younger man an awkward hug right there in the middle of the street. 

"H-Hey"

L was all over him the entire ride home. 

Because really, there was only one time L was sure he could sneak sugar without consequence. 

***

"Give me some sugar, baby." L demanded of his partner with all the social awkwardness he possessed. Light rolled his eyes as he allowed himself to be handcuffed to the bed with those ridiculous fuzzy pink handcuffs. The lanky brunette dutifully painted a line of strawberry syrup across his naked chest with his free hand. 

"That is so lame." Light let out an exasperated huff that turned halfway into a startled, pleasured gasp as L set to work cleaning off the syrup with his tongue. 

"You know you love it," L smirked he settled in above him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Wow, I can't believe what started as a one-shot joke thing evolved a plot like this. (Phew! Now that's one down 10-something to go.)_  
>  Thanks everyone for reading!


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